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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27649132">Unfinished Business</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annaelle/pseuds/Annaelle'>Annaelle</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>An Anchor, A Port in a Storm [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Julie and The Phantoms (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>1990s, Alex and Reggie and Luke are besties, Alex and Reggie kind of, Biphobia, Bisexuality, Bobby is a shit, Consensual Underage Sex, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Homophobia, M/M, Pre-Canon, Reggie's Parents are Dicks, So are Alex's, Sorry guys, The Love is Always Requited, They’re just Dumb about it, Unreliable Narrator, and don't tell Luke, conversion camp (mentioned), explore their sexuality together</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 20:16:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>26,095</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27649132</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annaelle/pseuds/Annaelle</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“How do you even know you wanna kiss a guy?” </p><p>And later, Alex wouldn’t be able to justify, even to himself, what made him say it, but the words that came out of his mouth were, “I don’t know. Just kiss me, see how that feels.” </p><p>Reggie’s eyes snapped open.</p><p>--Alex/Reggie prequel to Becoming a Memory, Becoming a Treasure OR How Two Himbos Explored Their Sexuality Together</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex/Luke Patterson (past), Alex/OMC (brief), Alex/Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Luke Patterson/Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Reggie/OFC (brief)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>An Anchor, A Port in a Storm [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2021662</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>107</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>307</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Alex (December 1991 - February 1994)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi everyone!</p><p>Welcome to this little prequel to Becoming a Memory, Becoming a Treasure. </p><p>In this, we'll see how Alex and Reggie ended up messing around for so long, why they kept messing around and how they dealt with the changes in their lives as they happened. </p><p>Thanks to everyone on the JatP discord server for being my soundboard when I needed one ;) </p><p>I have NO clue how long it'll take me to write the second part of this, and I sincerely apologise if it takes me a few weeks - it very well might, since Uni is kicking my butt. </p><p>Love<br/>Annaelle</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Unfinished Business</b>
</p><p>
  <em> “You and I will Always Be Unfinished Business.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> — unknown author </em>
</p><p>
  <b>PART ONE <em>— ALEX</em></b>
</p><p>
  <em>"People Often Say That This or That Person Has Not Yet Found Themselves. But the Self Is Not Something One Finds, It is Something One Creates." <em>— Thomas Szasz</em></em>
</p><p>
  <b>DECEMBER 1991 </b>
</p><p>
  <b>ALEX </b>
</p><p>See, Alex… Alex was <em> fine </em> with the breakup. </p><p>He <em> was </em> . It’d been his idea too—he and Luke were much better off as friends, as bandmates, than they were as boyfriends—but… well, Alex <em> had </em> been in love with Luke, brief as it might’ve been, and he found it harder than he had thought he would to see Luke flirting with someone else. </p><p>“Hey,” Reggie said, popping up beside him with two bottles of soda in his hand, watching Alex twirl his sticks restlessly between his fingers. “You okay?” </p><p>He handed one of the bottles he was holding to Alex and it wasn’t until Alex had taken a few sips that he realized Reggie had somehow conned him out of his drumsticks, which had now taken up residence in Reggie’s back pocket. “I’m fine,” he said belatedly, but even he could tell that it was unconvincing at best, and Reggie frowned at him. </p><p>“You don’t have to lie to me,” Reggie told him, eyes wide and his expression sincere. “Can’t be easy, what with Luke…” he glanced over his shoulder to their best friend, who seemed to be doing his best to get intimately acquainted with the girl’s tonsils. </p><p>“Just,” Reggie sighed. “If you need something, I’m here, okay?” He looked to the side, where Bobby was trying—and failing—to impress the bartender, probably to score a beer of some kind. “Bobby too.” </p><p>“Yeah,” Alex sighed, sagging back against the stage. “Just… I don’t want this to affect us. The band. I agreed with the breakup, I <em> still </em> agree with it, I just…” he shrugged helplessly and Reggie nudged their shoulders together lightly, and brief as the contact was, it <em> did </em>make him feel better. </p><p>“People say it takes a while to get over your first girlfriend,” Reggie said sympathetically. “I’m sure that’s true for boyfriends too. But I’m sure there’ll be others.” He grinned bright and happy and Alex was kind of helpless to smile back. “You’re awesome, bro. Everyone else’s gonna see that too.” </p><p>Alex’s cheeks flushed, but he smiled too. </p><p>“Thanks, Reg.” He leaned sideways a little to press their shoulders together. “You’re a good friend.” </p><p>“Always the tone of surprise,” Reggie chuckled, but he smiled too.  </p><p>---------------</p><p>
  <b>MARCH 1992 </b>
</p><p>Alex sat cross-legged on Reggie’s bed, flipping through one of his comic books as Reggie tried to convince his six-year-old sister to get dressed for her ballet class. </p><p>“Mags,” Reggie pleaded, “Come on, you <em> love </em> dancing.” </p><p>“I don’t wanna go,” Maggie whined, flopping onto the floor dramatically, kicking her legs out so Reggie couldn’t drag her leotard up her legs anyway, and Alex couldn’t help but smile at the scene. </p><p>They’d come over to Reggie’s house to do homework, because ever since he’d come out to his parents, they’d been weird about him having friends over, and as soon as they’d walked in the door, Reggie’s mom—her pupils dilated so much that it <em> couldn’t </em> be healthy—had shoved Maggie at them, telling Reggie to keep her occupied until she was picked up for ballet class. </p><p>Alex didn’t mind. </p><p>He <em> loved </em>hanging out with Reggie’s baby sister—they all did, even Bobby, though he sometimes grumped about it—and even their homework deadline didn’t really bother him enough to be resentful about it. Reggie, however, seemed a lot more put out by it than he usually was and that, combined with his squirrely, snappish behavior the rest of the week  made Alex sure that there was something bothering his friend, and he planned on finding out what it was. </p><p>Originally, Luke was supposed to be here too, because <em> no one </em> was as good at wheedling stuff out of Reggie as Luke was, but his parents had grounded him after staying out past his curfew with his newest girlfriend—Alex vaguely wondered how long this one would stick around. </p><p>“Okay,” he sighed when Maggie full-on <em> wailed </em> as Reggie wrestled her into her leotards. “Okay, let’s try this a different way.” </p><p>He got up from the bed and kneeled on the floor in front of Maggie. “Hey kid,” he said, shooting a wink at Reggie, “Why don’t you wanna go to ballet?” He pouted and said, “If you don’t go, who’s gonna teach <em> me </em>all the dances?” </p><p>Maggie stopped kicking her legs and looked at Alex with wide, teary green eyes that were <em> just </em> like Reggie’s. “You’re gonna dance too?” </p><p>“Well,” Alex said conspiratorially, leaning towards her a little, pretending to keep Reggie out, even though he knew Reggie could still hear them perfectly well, “I would <em> love </em> to learn how to dance, but I’m not allowed to go to the classes anymore, ‘cause I’m too big.” </p><p>Maggie gasped theatrically, and Alex made sure to keep his expression solemn as he nodded. “So,” he said. “If you can go to the class and then teach me all the moves, I’ll be able to dance with you.” </p><p>Maggie nodded at him with wide eyes. “Okay, Alex!” </p><p>She then turned to her brother again and said, “Reggie, you have to do my hair!” </p><p>Reggie exhaled shakily but smiled at her anyway. “Yeah, okay, Mags. Go get your brush.” </p><p>Maggie ran from the room, chattering at a loud volume about all the things she was going to teach Alex as soon as she came home from class. Alex leaned back on his heels and looked at Reggie, who was still staring out into the hallway. “Are you okay?” Alex asked quietly, resting his hand on Reggie’s shoulder. </p><p>Reggie looked back at him, eyes wide, and Alex could <em> see </em> him considering to lie. </p><p>“You can tell me anything,” he said immediately. “Now, or later, or in three weeks or a year. Anything.” </p><p>Alarmingly, Reggie’s eyes became glassy with unshed tears for a second before he blinked <em> hard </em> and swallowed. “Yeah, okay.” He turned away from Alex, and all Alex wanted to do was hug his friend to make whatever was bothering him go away. “Can we talk about it later?” he then asked hoarsely, still not quite looking at Alex. “When Maggie’s—” </p><p>“Yeah, of course,” Alex nodded, just as Maggie skidded back into the room clutching her sparkly blue hairbrush and glittery butterfly scrunchies. </p><p>They spent the next half hour trying to get Maggie’s hair into a knot-free, neat bun that had an appropriate number of butterflies—apparently, the correct number of butterflies was <em> all of them </em>—before the doorbell rang and Maggie ran downstairs with her bag slung around her shoulder, screaming goodbye at them and reminding Alex she would be teaching him the moves she learned today before the door slammed shut behind her. </p><p>Four minutes later, Reggie’s mom shouted, “I’m going out. There’s money on the counter for pizza. Make sure to give your sister some,” and the door slammed shut again. </p><p>Alex looked at Reggie in concern, because as soon as the door slammed shut, he seemed to shrink in on himself, and <em> Jesus </em> —Alex <em> really </em> wanted to know what was going on. “Reg,” he tried, but Reggie just shook his head and got to his feet, starting to get his school books from his backpack without looking at Alex, and he was <em> worried </em> now. </p><p>“Reggie,” he sighed, getting to his feet slowly. Reggie stayed at his desk, but he’d stopped moving, and when Alex brushed his hand against his arm, he exhaled in a shuddering gasp. </p><p>“What if I like boys too?” Reggie suddenly blurted, turning to look at Alex with wide, terrified eyes. “I’m not gay—I’m <em> not </em> , because I <em> love </em> girls, but I—” he looked around a little wildly and shrugged helplessly, “There’s—I—sometimes I look at Lu—at <em> guys </em> and I wonder what it’d be like to—” </p><p>Alex stared at Reggie, mouth hanging open just a little, because he wasn’t—he wasn’t sure what to say. </p><p>“I don’t know if I want to kiss another guy,” Reggie said desperately, “But then sometimes it’s all I can think about, but then I still can’t stop staring at the cheerleaders, or I still get blown away when Claire Johnson wears those really short shorts, you know, so it’s not—I don’t think I’m gay.” He looked up at Alex with a pleading expression and said, “How did you know?” </p><p>Alex heaved a sigh, running his hand through his hair as he sat down on Reggie’s bed heavily. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I guess… the same way you knew that you liked girls.” </p><p>“But I don’t <em> know </em> that anymore,” Reggie cried, throwing up his hands before he collapsed on the bed beside Alex. “How do you even know you wanna kiss a guy?” </p><p>Alex couldn’t quite take his eyes off of him, couldn’t <em> focus </em> really, and—</p><p>And later, Alex wouldn’t be able to justify, even to himself, what made him say it, but the words that came out of his mouth were, “I don’t know. Just kiss me, see how that feels.” </p><p>Reggie’s eyes snapped open and his jaw dropped, and Alex’s cheeks abruptly flushed. </p><p>“I mean, you don’t—” he stuttered. </p><p>“No, okay,” Reggie blurted, sitting up so abruptly he nearly smashed his face into Alex’s. They stared at each other, and Alex suddenly felt like the biggest asshole ever, because was this—was he taking advantage of Reggie? Alex had never really <em> questioned </em> his sexuality because he’d always kind of known that he liked boys a lot more than he liked girls. </p><p>He’d thought that maybe there was something wrong with him for a little while, but he’d never <em> doubted </em>. </p><p>“Reg,” he whispered, “You don’t have to—” </p><p>“I want to,” Reggie cut him off, leaning in so close Alex could feel the heat radiating from the other boy’s skin, his eyes fastened on Alex’s lips. </p><p>“Okay,” Alex breathed, and Reggie’s slim, strong fingers curled in the fabric of Alex’s shirt, drawing him closer so they shared a single breath before Reggie’s lips brushed across his. </p><p>Alex held his breath for a long, drawn-out moment before he remembered that he should probably kiss Reggie back, that that was actually what Reggie had <em> asked </em> for. It was… it was a really simple, almost sweet kiss—their lips pressed together chastely and Reggie's lips were really soft and tasted like the apple he’d eaten earlier, and Alex kind of wanted to press harder, hold him tighter, but he didn’t dare to because he didn’t know what Reggie needed or even wanted <em> — </em>or even if that were something Alex himself wanted. </p><p>They kissed chastely for an indeterminable time, before Reggie leant back, smiling lightly.</p><p>“So,” Alex choked, cheeks burning with heat when Reggie chuckled. “Boys too?”</p><p>Reggie nodded and smiled a bright smile. “Definitely boys too.” </p><p>
  <b>--------------</b>
</p><p>
  <b>MAY 1992 </b>
</p><p>Alex had grown used to, over the years, leaving his bedroom window open just a crack so either or both of his best friends could crawl in after intense fights with their parents. There was a conveniently placed tree just outside his window that both Luke and Reggie had utilized several times to climb up into Alex’s room when they just needed to get away for a little while. </p><p>He’d woken up to find one or both of them in his room—even in his bed—dozens of times over the years and he was <em> so </em>used to it that he barely even stirred anymore when he heard someone crawl into the window, tiptoe into the room and drop a backpack. </p><p>There was a sudden thump and a muffled curse, and Alex, his eyes still mostly shut, raised his head from his pillow just enough to slur, “Mrgi?” </p><p>“Yeah,” Reggie whispered back, “Go back to sleep, it’s just me.” </p><p>“Mmkay,” Alex hummed and let Reggie shove him over a little so he could fit into the bed with him, settling against his best friend more comfortably. </p><p>He fell asleep again immediately. </p><p>When he woke up the next morning, Reggie was still there and they were lying very nearly nose to nose, sharing Alex’s single pillow—and with how often his friends crashed with him, he really should get another pillow. Because they were lying so close together, it took Alex a minute to notice the discoloration around Reggie’s eye and the faint trace of blood in one of his nostrils. </p><p>“Reggie,” he whispered, devastated to see him hurt like this <em> again </em>, reaching out to touch the bruised skin lightly, but Reggie caught his hand before he could make contact. </p><p>“It was my fault,” Reggie choked. “I got in their way. I should’ve stayed out of it.” </p><p>Alex dropped his hand, resting it on Reggie’s bicep instead, rubbing his thumb across the soft skin there. “It’s never your fault, Reg,” he said sternly. “It’s on them, not on you.” </p><p>Reggie looked away. “Maybe.” </p><p>Alex’s heart twisted painfully and he <em> hated </em> seeing his friend like this. He’d <em> always </em> hated seeing Reggie—sweet, cheerful, bubbly Reggie, who somehow always managed to make Alex and the others’ bad days better just by being there—so put down by the shitty stuff that his parents did. </p><p>He hated it more when Reggie showed up with bruises. </p><p>It happened rarely—very rarely—but it <em> had </em> happened before. </p><p>“You deserve <em> so much </em> better,” Alex told Reggie quietly. “I’m gonna keep telling you that until you believe me. And Luke and Bobby too.” </p><p>Reggie looked back at him and smiled weakly, and it felt like the most natural thing he’d ever done to bridge that tiny gap between them and press his lips to Reggie’s. He felt, rather than heard, Reggie’s surprised little inhale before the other boy relaxed and kissed back, shuffling just that little bit closer and resting his hand on Alex’s cheek. </p><p>“Okay?” Alex whispered when they broke apart to breathe. </p><p>Reggie looked at him, green eyes wide and surprised, and then smiled, slowly. “Yeah. Okay.” He was quiet for a second and then said, “I mean, it was way better last time, without the morning breath—” and then laughed hysterically as Alex hit him in the face with the pillow. </p><p>--------------</p><p>
  <b>MAY to NOVEMBER 1992</b>
</p><p>See, the thing… the thing was that it kind of kept happening. </p><p>They didn’t talk about it much – if at all – but Alex still kept finding himself secreted away in a corner, kissing the living daylights out of Reggie, or dancing up against the other boy after one of their gigs, or holding hands as they walked home or spooning when Reggie inevitably ran to his house during his parents’ intense arguments. </p><p>And the thing was… the thing was that it was <em> nothing </em> like what he’d had with Luke. </p><p>With Luke, he’d had butterflies in his stomach every time he looked at him, his insides turning into warm mush when they kissed and his cheeks heating in a blush whenever Luke held his hand and aimed that thousand-megawatt-smile at him. </p><p>He’d been proper <em> in love </em> with Luke. </p><p>Whatever it was that he and Reggie were doing, it didn’t feel like that. </p><p>It wasn’t any less meaningful because of that though. </p><p>Alex <em> loved </em>Reggie, as much as he’d ever loved Luke, but he was not in love with him – Reggie was his best friend and one of the most important people in his life, and no matter how much they fooled around, he didn’t think that could ever change. </p><p>--------------</p><p>
  <b>JANUARY 1993</b>
</p><p>“I’m not in love with you,” Reggie told him dryly one afternoon when Luke was out on a date and Bobby went to work a shift at a nearby coffee bar, and he and Alex were alone in the studio. Alex, who had actually been enjoying just hanging out with his best friend without having much to do, looked up at Reggie, who’d been messing with his guitar, with a frown. </p><p>“I—” he blinked. “I know? I’m not in love with you either.” </p><p>Reggie’s expression cleared, and he grinned widely. “Oh, good. That would’ve been weird.” </p><p>Alex snorted a laugh. “Really? We’ve been messing around for <em> months </em>, but me being in love with you would’ve been the weird part?” </p><p>Reggie wrinkled his nose and shrugged dramatically. “Well, I mean, it took you and Luke <em> forever </em> to act normal around each other again after you dated and I don’t want that to happen to us, you know.” He plucked at the strings of his bass restlessly, pouting just a tiny bit. </p><p>Alex smiled tightly and looked down. </p><p>He couldn’t deny he had worried about that too the first time Reggie had kissed him, or the first time he’d kissed Reggie, or the time after that, when it’d become clear that this was something they did now. </p><p>“I guess,” Alex sighed, “we’ll just have to make sure that doesn’t happen.” </p><p>Reggie nodded vigorously and then carefully settled down his guitar before he moved over to Alex and straddled him. Alex, who hadn’t quite been expecting this, stared at him, his hands settling on Reggie’s waist automatically. “I,” Reggie said with a smug grin, “am gonna kiss you again.”</p><p>“Uh,” Alex tried, but before he could say anything, Reggie did exactly that. Alex gasped, because he really <em> hadn’t </em> expected this, but he didn’t resist as Reggie kissed him hungrily, deeply, their lips sliding together wetly before Alex remembered he could be an active participant and took control of the kiss, licking his way into Reggie’s mouth and— <em> oh </em>.</p><p>Sometimes he forgot <em> why </em> he and Reggie kept messing around. </p><p>Sometimes he forgot that they were <em> great </em> at this. </p><p>His hands and arms moved of their own accord, an arm slipping around Reggie’s waist, the other boy’s fingers tangling in his hair to keep him in place.</p><p>Kissing Reggie always kind of felt like an electric shock, like trying to contain a livewire, Alex’s skin burning and tingling where Reggie touched him, and a burning throb ignited somewhere deep in his stomach. He kissed Reggie back fiercely, sloppily even, but with everything he had, and anchored his fingers in his best friend’s belt loops as he held on for dear life. </p><p>Reggie groaned quietly against his lips, a deep, wanton sound that made something deep inside Alex’s stomach clench. It felt like a slow fire burning its way through his veins; as though Reggie had lit a fire somewhere deep inside of him that no one but him would be able to quench or satisfy.</p><p>And right then, Alex didn’t care anymore that Luke or Bobby could walk in on them, that they’d have to explain something they couldn’t even really explain to themselves—</p><p>But then Reggie moved again, tilting his head a little, and his tongue slid against Alex’s again—and it was <em> too much </em> , Alex couldn’t <em> breathe </em> , he couldn’t <em> think </em>—he jerked his head back, gasping for breath as Reggie stared at him, his lips wet and a little swollen. “I don’t—” Alex choked, “I mean—I couldn’t breathe—”</p><p>“Oh,” Reggie said, and then, “Should we stop?” </p><p>Alex panted heavily, fingers clenching in Reggie’s shirt. “No,” he heard himself say. “No, I don’t want to stop.” Reggie grinned, delighted, and leaned in to kiss him again—a short, hard kiss—before he pulled back again and said, “Take off your shirt and lie down. I wanna try something.” </p><p>Alex flushed crimson. “Reg,” he choked, but Reggie shook his head and got to his feet. </p><p>“Nuh-uh,” he smirked. “Don’t protest. If I do this right, you’re gonna love it.” </p><p>Alex went to protest again, unsure of what Reggie had in mind, unsure if they should be doing this in the studio at all, but then Reggie kissed him again, and <em> shit </em>—</p><p>Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to take a few risks every now and then. </p><p>When the kiss broke, Alex inhaled sharply and let Reggie divest him of his shirt and push him down onto his back, Reggie’s hands skimming down his chest, fingers slipping teasingly underneath the waistband of his pants. “See,” Reggie muttered, pressing a kiss to the underside of his jaw, then his neck, and then his chest, “Luke talks <em> a lot </em> when he’s drunk. About girls, about kissing, about sex—” </p><p>Alex groaned when Reggie scraped his teeth on the sensitive skin just above his belly button. </p><p>“—and sometimes,” Reggie chuckled, “he talks about you. And now… Now I kind of wanna know—” he edged Alex’s underwear down just a little, “—if it really is that much fun.” He glanced up at Alex from beneath his eyelashes and <em> Christ </em> , he was gonna <em> kill him— </em></p><p>And then Reggie ducked down and took Alex in his mouth and Alex’s brain kind of fizzed out for a while.</p><p>--------------</p><p>
  <b>MARCH 1993 </b>
</p><p>Playing a book club had been Luke’s idea. </p><p>It had not been his best, but it certainly wasn’t his worst idea either. The group of fifteen women and a few men, all their parents’ age, had been enthusiastic about the songs to the point that all four of them had wondered what kind of book club they’d wandered into, and they seemed pretty set on feeding them so much food they could <em> roll </em> out of the door. </p><p>Alex had been herded over to one of the armchairs once they’d finished their set, a plate filled with snacks pressed into his hands and Luke sitting on the armrest beside him, both of them staring, bemused, at Reggie. </p><p>Reggie, who had walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water and walked back out with a girl their own age, flirting like his life depended on it—that in itself wasn’t so very unusual, but the thing was… the thing was that it was <em> working </em>. The girl, a pretty blonde with a bright grin and a Queen t-shirt, was hanging off his every word, and Alex was…</p><p>Alex was <em> baffled </em>. </p><p>She kept laughing at whatever Reggie said to her, putting her hand on his arm and flipping her hair over her shoulder and—and—</p><p>Reggie was <em> not </em>that funny. </p><p>He was an idiot and an amazing friend and a great songwriter—even if all he wrote were country songs—and a pretty damn good kisser, but—</p><p>But he was hardly ever funny on purpose. </p><p>“You’re seeing this, right?” Luke asked, sounding as baffled as Alex felt. “I’m not dreaming?” </p><p>Alex raised an eyebrow at his best friend and ex-boyfriend and snorted, “You dream about Reggie trying to pick up girls?” </p><p>Luke snorted a laugh and slapped at his shoulder before stuffing another cupcake in his mouth and leaning back to watch Reggie’s attempt at picking up a girl. Alex was… Alex was pretty sure he was supposed to feel jealous or annoyed or hurt or something—things one usually felt when watching the person they were intimately involved with flirt with someone else—but all he could think about was that he hoped it worked out for Reggie. </p><p>He looked for a few more minutes before he let Luke drag him into a conversation about their setlist and a song they’d been working on together. Luke was trying to convince Alex to take lead vocals on at least one verse, but Alex wasn’t <em> that </em> confident about his voice—not compared to Luke’s anyway. </p><p>Still, he let Luke chatter at him about it—maybe it <em> would </em> be cool to do lead vocals. </p><p>Reggie looked breathless and giddy by the time he collapsed on the other armrest of Alex’s chair, cheeks flushed and his hair messy. Alex and Luke turned to him as one, and Alex didn’t need to look over his shoulder to know that Luke would be smirking at Reggie with the exact same expression that Alex wore too. “You having fun?” Luke drawled, one hand on Alex’s shoulder as he leaned towards Reggie. </p><p>Reggie grinned and shrugged. “Hey, I can’t help being this irresistible.” </p><p>Alex snorted in disbelief, and Reggie’s mouth dropped open in exaggerated indignation. Before any of them could say anything though, Bobby appeared from wherever he’d been hiding, coming up behind Reggie and slinging an arm around his shoulder—Reggie nearly toppled over into Alex’s lap—crowing, “Holy shit, man. How’d you manage to land the hottest girl here?” </p><p>Reggie blushed and looked down, bashful all of a sudden, but when he looked up, he met Alex’s eye right on to offer him a small, apologetic smile, and…</p><p>And that was that. </p><p>Alex found he didn’t mind. </p><p>Much. </p><p>--------------</p><p>
  <b>LATE AUGUST 1993</b>
</p><p>“I had sex with someone at Bible Camp,” Alex blurted without thinking, cutting across Luke’s story abruptly. They were in the studio, laying back on the shitty little bed they’d put together in the loft, in case Luke or Reggie or even Alex wanted to spend the night there, and Luke had been trying to tell him what he’d missed in the three weeks he’d been at camp, but Alex had been holding this in for what felt like <em> weeks </em> —though it had only been four days—and he <em> needed </em>to say it. </p><p>Luke looked at him with a stricken, astonished expression, and Alex swallowed thickly. </p><p>“I slept with someone at Bible Camp,” he repeated, slower and calmer, although his voice wavered just a little and tears burned in his eyes. He looked up at the ceiling, resolute in his decision not to look at Luke, because he wasn’t sure if he could keep talking if he’d look at him. “We’d been flirting since the first day, and I liked him, and he was <em> such </em>a good kisser and—” </p><p>The words felt like they were being <em> torn </em> from his lips rather than a voluntary admission, and he curled in on himself automatically, pressing his hand against his breastbone <em> hard </em> , wishing the physical discomfort of the gesture would be enough to make him <em> forget </em>. </p><p>It was naturally, not, as he had known it wouldn’t be. </p><p>“My parents signed me up for ‘specialized’ group activities this summer,” he continued resentfully. “Which was really just a very fancy way of saying they signed me up for conversion therapy, and—and he… I just—” Alex exhaled shakily and pressed his knuckles against his eyes until he saw little bursts of light erupting behind his closed eyelids. </p><p>His head felt <em> heavy </em> and his mind was tired and worn and he just wanted to <em> sleep </em>, but also he needed to get this off his chest and—</p><p>Suddenly Luke was kneeling upright beside him, one of his hands on Alex’s shoulder and the other on his thigh. “Start from the beginning,” Luke ordered him gently. </p><p>So Alex did. </p><p>“I guess I wanted to get back at them,” he admitted. “And I liked him and he liked me. So we just… I just…” he thumped his head back against the mattress. “I don’t even know why I’m upset—it was… it was <em> fine </em>, we had fun, and then we home and—” </p><p>“Alex,” Luke whispered, before dragging his fingers through Alex’s hair soothingly.  </p><p>Alex let out a shaky breath at the touch, rolling his head just a little to the left so his temple rested against Luke’s knee. They’d been so very careful around each other for <em> years </em>, since their break up, and Alex hadn’t realized how much he missed the affectionate touches.Physical touch had always been a sure-fire way to ground and steady him when he felt untethered and unstable and he’d just… he’d just missed the casual affection from Luke. </p><p>He squeezed his fingers when Luke slipped his between his own and rested their hands against his chest. He stared ahead blankly as he tried to form some semblance of coherent thought. He felt lighter, oddly, after getting it off his chest, but the knot in the pit of his stomach had not lessened at all, sitting uncomfortably, making his gut churn uneasily. </p><p>“I don’t know why I’m upset,” he repeated quietly, <em> shamefully </em> , because he’d… he’d <em> wanted </em> everything that they’d done and he’d <em> enjoyed </em>it too, but… </p><p>But…  </p><p>Luke tugged on his hair softly and smiled before replying, “You’re allowed to be upset when your first time doesn’t go the way you always thought it would.” </p><p>Alex looked up at Luke and swallowed thickly. “I guess,” he whispered, “I guess I still thought… after everything, I still thought it’d be you. And then it wasn’t.” Luke let out a small, hurt sound, and Alex shook his head immediately. “No, don’t, I—I’m not pining over you, I’m not in love with you… anymore. I guess I just… never adjusted that expectation.” </p><p>It was true—he’d realised he was over Luke quite a while ago. It’d taken him a while to get used to that revelation too, and even longer to decide whether he hated being over Luke more than he had hated having a broken heart. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Luke said, even though there wasn’t anything he should be sorry for. </p><p>“Don’t be,” Alex told him seriously. “I got over you a long time ago. Maybe I should’ve waited for someone else, you know? Or maybe it’s just my brain trying to overcomplicate matters because I didn’t stop to think <em> once </em> while we—” </p><p>Luke smirked, and Alex felt his cheeks flush crimson. “I’m gonna stop talking now,” he groaned as Luke laughed, reaching out to slap at Luke’s knee reproachfully, but all Luke did was chuckle and flop down beside—and half on top of—him again.</p><p>They sat in silence for a while longer, piled together in one big tangle of limbs, passing a bottle of soda back and forth as they stared at the ceiling, Luke humming under his breath quietly. </p><p>Alex was just about nodding off, head lolling onto Luke’s shoulder, when the door suddenly slammed open, and they both jumped, limbs flailing as they nearly tumbled off of the loft. “What the hell, bro?” Luke bellowed as he untangled himself from Alex, glaring at the figure that had appeared in the door and was now looking up at them with wide eyes and parted lips and—</p><p>
  <em> Oh. Reggie.  </em>
</p><p>Reggie looked <em> terrible </em>. </p><p>His hair was soaked with—with—</p><p>Alex couldn’t tell what it was, but it looked far from pleasant, and his eyes were rimmed with red and he was far paler than healthy. </p><p>“Reg?” </p><p>Luke was already scurrying down the ladder, and Alex followed immediately. Reggie had been doing pretty good, these past few months, ever since he’d met Ella—the girl he’d met at the book club gig—and started dating her. Even his parents’ constant fighting hadn’t seemed to bother him as much. </p><p>“Hey, Reggie,” Alex said, as soon as they reached Reggie, who was still standing in the doorway, almost like he hadn’t really registered they were talking to him. “what happened?” </p><p>Reggie’s eyes flitted from him to Luke and back again, and he was wearing an unreadable expression that was wholly unlike him, and Alex had no <em> idea </em> what to make of it. “I—,” Reggie finally said, voice even and void of emotions, “I told Ella that I—that I like boys too. She broke up with me.” </p><p>There was a short, painfully awkward silence, in which Luke looked <em> stunned </em> and Alex tried to think of something to say before Luke cleared his throat loudly and said, “Well, that’s her loss, bro.” </p><p>Reggie looked up at him with teary eyes. “She threw her milkshake at me. And she said—she said that I couldn’t like both, so that I—obviously I was gay and I shouldn’t have led her on.” He looked on the verge of tears as he said, “I didn’t mean to—I didn’t think I was, I swear.”</p><p>And Alex hadn’t had any particular feeling towards Ella before, but he <em> hated </em> her now, and he could tell Luke felt the same. </p><p>“Shit, Reg,” Alex said. “You <em> know </em> you didn’t. It doesn’t work like that.” </p><p>“Yeah, bro,” Luke piped in, reaching out to grab Reggie’s shoulder to shake him gently. “I like both too, remember?” He shot Reggie one of those warm, gorgeous smiles that Alex had once fallen in love with, that still made him feel better when they were directed at him—and that surely had the same effect on Reggie, who was smiling weakly now. </p><p>“She still broke up with me,” he murmured dejectedly. </p><p>Alex didn’t have the heart to say anything sarcastic this time and just slung an arm around Reggie, hauling him in for a tight hug, because he could tell that what Reggie needed was someone to show him he was still wanted. “She doesn’t know what she’s missing out on,” he whispered as Reggie’s arms slowly came up to hug him back, and Luke pressed close on Reggie’s other side. </p><p>“We love you, Reg,” Luke said firmly. </p><p>He propped his chin up on Reggie’s shoulder and shot Alex a small smile that Alex returned wryly. </p><p>They’d be okay. </p><p>--------------</p><p>
  <b>OCTOBER 1993 (WEDNESDAY)</b>
</p><p>“I don’t think he’s doing okay,” Alex told Luke in an undertone, glancing over at Reggie, who was talking to their English teacher with an apologetic grimace—he’d forgotten his essay at home in his rush to get to school in time. In fact, he’d only been on time at all this week because Alex had managed to get a secondhand car a few weeks ago and had been picking him up every morning. </p><p>“Yeah,” Luke sighed, glancing over at their friend too. “Yeah, I don’t think he is either.” </p><p>Since his breakup with Ella a month and a half ago, Reggie had been more subdued in everything they did—he’d stopped slipping his country songs into Luke’s notebook, he hadn’t brought Maggie over to their rehearsals in nearly three weeks and he hadn’t climbed into Luke <em> or </em> Alex’s window in over a month. He looked constantly exhausted and Alex was sure that if he, Luke and Bobby hadn’t taken to buying double lunches and prodding Reggie into having their leftovers, he wouldn’t have eaten anything at school either. </p><p>Bobby, who’d been listening quietly, added, “Not much we can do though, is there?” </p><p>“I might be able to,” Alex said slowly, turning to look at his other two friends slowly. “My parents are going to the Hamptons for a week starting Friday. Since I’m no longer <em> welcome </em> ,” he spat the word resentfully, still <em> pissed </em> at his parents and extended family for being such bigoted assholes, “I’ll have the house to myself. Maybe we can all hole up there for a few days. Get Reggie out of his parents’ house for a while. He can even bring Maggie, we’ve got the spare room.” </p><p>“That’s a great idea,” Luke crowed happily, grabbing at his shoulder and shaking him. “It can be like a band retreat!” </p><p>Bobby sighed, and Alex wanted to frown at him even before the other boy said, “I don’t wanna spoil things, guys, but there’s no way my parents are gonna be cool with me spending an entire school week with my bandmates. Plus I got three shifts this week, and Luke… I thought you were trying to patch things up with your parents. How’re they gonna take you running off for a whole week?” </p><p>Luke sighed heavily and Alex frowned. </p><p>“Well, what if you guys come over starting Friday night?” Alex suggested, because he still wanted to get Reggie away from his parents—away from the constant fighting. “We can just do the weekend.” </p><p>“That works,” Bobby shrugged. </p><p>Luke was biting his lower lip and frowning, but he nodded eventually. “Yeah, I can probably swing that.” He glanced over at Reggie and offered, “Do you want me to convince him?” </p><p>Alex shook his head. “Nah, we’ve got social studies together later. I’ll talk to him then.” </p><p>Luke nodded and reluctantly retreated to his seat when the teacher finally managed to shake Reggie, who drooped back to his seat with hunched shoulders, and <em> Christ, </em> Alex just wanted to hug him. </p><p>He turned his attention to their teacher though, resolving to corner Reggie and talk to him later. </p><p>--------------</p><p>
  <b>OCTOBER 1993 (FRIDAY)</b>
</p><p>In the end, Reggie had barely required any convincing at all.</p><p>That in itself told Alex that the fighting at Reggie’s parents’ place had to be <em> extremely bad </em>. When he asked about Maggie, Reggie revealed that Maggie had been spending the night with different friends each time because Reggie had called up their parents to tell them their mother was sick and they didn’t want to risk Maggie catching it. </p><p>Alex hated that Reggie needed to take on that kind of responsibility but found it admirable too. </p><p>Eventually, Alex bade his parents goodbye on Friday evening, ignoring just how coolly they treated them, and waited for Reggie and the others to show up. While they wouldn’t be staying the whole weekend—or the rest of the week—like Reggie, Luke and Bobby had both admitted they could use some quality band time that wasn’t spent rehearsing, and had convinced their parents to let them spend Friday and Saturday together. </p><p>Reggie showed up exactly twenty-three minutes after Alex’s parents left, a duffel bag slung over his shoulder and the bags under his eyes darker and more pronounced than they’d been the previous day, but grinning so brightly that Alex couldn’t help but smile back at him. </p><p>“Hey,” he said, stepping back to let Reggie in.</p><p>“Hi,” Reggie said, still smiling brightly, waiting until Alex had shut the front door before he walked right up to Alex, dropping his bag unceremonious to the floor and curling his hand around the back of Alex’s neck. Alex barely had a chance to blink before Reggie leaned up onto his toes just a little and kissed him soundly on the lips. </p><p>They hadn’t done this in months, not since before Reggie and Ella had started dating, but it was still so very easy to kiss Reggie back and sink into it. He curled his fingers in Reggie’s hair and let Reggie tug him closer by his belt loops until they were pressed together entirely. </p><p>Slowly, somewhat reluctantly, he leaned back, although Reggie kept his fingers hooked in his belt loops so Alex couldn’t retreat very far. Reggie looked up at him, green eyes wide, and swallowed thickly. “Okay?” he whispered softly, hopefully. </p><p>Alex looked at him intently, tried to think rationally about this, because while they’d done this before dozens of times, Reggie clearly wasn’t doing okay, and Alex didn’t want Reggie to end up doing anything he’d regret later on. </p><p>There was, however, no regret anywhere in Reggie’s expression and… and they were almost eighteen and almost seventeen years old, Reggie was his own person, and Alex <em> trusted </em> him. </p><p>He trusted him to set his boundaries. </p><p>“Yeah,” he said quietly, leaning their foreheads together. “Okay.”</p><p>--------</p><p>
  <b>OCTOBER 1993 (SUNDAY) </b>
</p><p>It’d been nearly three a.m. by the time Luke and Bobby had gone home the previous night and almost four a.m. by the time he and Reggie had stopped talking—and kissing, there <em> had </em> been kissing too—long enough to go to bed themselves. </p><p>Unfortunately, Alex’s brain was programmed so that he woke up around eight a.m. at the latest, no matter how late it’d been when he went to sleep, and so here he was. </p><p>He guzzled down his coffee, leaning heavily on the counter as he tried to boot up his brain enough to decide what to have for breakfast. It was <em> way </em> more difficult than it reasonably should be. </p><p>“You look like you’re thinking <em> way </em> too hard for this time of morning.” </p><p>Alex looked up from his cup to find Reggie leaning against the low wall separating the kitchen from the living room in his pajamas, his hair spiked up in gravity defying angles, but the bags under his eyes less pronounced than they’d been on Friday already. </p><p>“I was trying to figure out breakfast,” Alex croaked, straightening up a little more. </p><p>Reggie yawned and padded into the kitchen, settling on one of the high chairs at the island, blinking lazily. “Are there cornflakes?” He asked. </p><p>Alex yawned too. “Probably,” he shrugged, turning to open one of the cupboards, staring into it for a beat too long before he located the box of Coco Puffs. When he turned back, triumphant, the box in his hand, Reggie’s expression had gone from sleepy and barely focused to contemplative and serious, and Alex was <em> so </em> unused to seeing such seriousness on Reggie that he immediately went on alert, nearly dropping the box. </p><p>“Reg? You okay?” </p><p>Reggie nodded slowly, leaning his chin on his hand as he stared at Alex. “I wanna have sex with you,” he said casually, and Alex <em> did </em> drop the box of cereal then. </p><p>“Shit,” Alex breathed, looking down at the <em> mess </em> on the floor before looking back up at Reggie with wide eyes, cheeks burning with what he was sure was a very dark blush, desperately trying to decide which minor disaster to deal with first. The Coco Puffs crunched slightly under his heel when he moved though, and he heaved a sigh before turning to retrieve the dustpan from the cupboard under the sink. </p><p>By the time he’d turned back, Reggie had picked up the box of Coco Puffs and was trying—and failing—to contain the spread of Coco Puffs throughout the kitchen. </p><p>“You know you can say ‘no’, right?” Reggie said timidly when Alex started sweeping up the spilled cornflakes, looking shyly up at Alex through his eyelashes. “I won’t be mad or anything, I know it’s—” he fell silent and the knot in Alex’s stomach eased off a little. </p><p>“Reg,” he sighed, setting down the dustpan and reaching out to rest his hand on Reggie’s arm. “I just—I was surprised. And… you’ve always said you only wanted to sleep with someone when they meant something to you. I don’t want you to do anything you regret.” He swallowed thickly and looked away. “Take it from someone who should’ve waited a little longer.” </p><p>He didn’t quite dare to look back up at his best friend, instead busying himself with collecting the final stray Coco Puffs and dropping them onto the dustpan. </p><p>“Alex,” Reggie whispered, nudging his fingers against Alex’s jaw until he <em> had </em> to look up. Reggie’s expression was devastatingly earnest and somewhat baffled. “Alex, you’re one of the most important people in my life,” Reggie said seriously. “You’re my best friend. I trust you. You’re <em> never </em> not going to mean something to me. How could I ever regret that?” </p><p>And Alex… Alex couldn’t say <em> no </em>to that—but he couldn’t just say yes either. </p><p>He got to his feet and emptied the dustpan in the trash before he turned back to Reggie. “It’s not,” he started slowly, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back against the kitchen island, facing Reggie, “that I don’t want to. But… Reg, I want you to be sure.” </p><p>Reggie bit down on his lip and purposefully walked up to Alex, taking his face in his hands and pressing their lips together firmly. Alex <em> melted </em> a little, because Reggie was <em> good </em> at this and he could feel Reggie smile against his lips as he wrapped his arms around Alex’s neck. “Just turn off your brain for <em> once </em>,” Reggie told him in a low voice as soon as he’d leaned back, eyes dark and heavy lidded. “If I don’t want to, I’ll tell you.” </p><p>“Yeah,” Alex breathed. “Yeah, okay.” </p><p>Reggie grinned and then kissed him again, rougher and more passionate and Alex sank into it, because this was… <em> God </em> , being with Reggie was <em> so easy </em>. The next time Reggie pulled away, they were both breathing hard, and Reggie’s fingers were clenched in his hair and Alex was grasping at the back of Reggie’s shirt. “Yeah?” Reggie asked again. </p><p>“Yeah,” Alex breathed, a smile spreading across his face. “Yeah.” </p><p>And Reggie laughed, relieved and happy, before he leaned in and kissed him again. </p><p>--------------</p><p>“Is it go<b>—</b>”</p><p>Alex groaned loudly and dropped his head forward to rest against Reggie’s shoulder. </p><p>“Reg,” he sighed, “I swear to God, if your next words were going to be ‘is it gonna fit’, I <em> will </em> stop and I will kick you.” </p><p>Reggie cackled, a high-pitched sound that abruptly turned into a moan when Alex scraped his teeth over his collarbone in retaliation.</p><p>-------------</p><p>After, when they were breathless and sweaty, both of them on their backs in Alex’s bed, one of Reggie’s legs slung across Alex’s, the sheets tangled around their feet and their clothes scattered randomly on the floor between the kitchen and Alex’s bedroom, Reggie turned his head towards Alex with a smug, satisfied grin and said, “I told you that this was a great idea.” </p><p>Alex chuckled breathlessly and threw a hand up over his head, shaking his head in exasperation. </p><p>He was vaguely surprised, actually, that the sense of dread that he’d felt when he’d slept with Mike at Bible Camp wasn’t making an appearance now, but then… it made sense too. It was like Reggie had said earlier<b>—</b>they were such important people in each other’s lives, there was no way Alex would look back on this and regret sharing it with Reggie. </p><p>“Yeah,” he finally admitted. “You have your moments.” </p><p>
  <b>-------------</b>
</p><p>
  <b>FEBRUARY 1994 </b>
</p><p>Luke sat on the couch, playing a lighthearted, easy tune on his guitar as Alex let Maggie guide him around by the hand. She’d been showing him the steps to all the dances she’d learned in her dance classes enthusiastically, as she had been doing for <em> years </em> <b>—</b>it’d become a tradition, by now, for Reggie to pick up Maggie on Wednesday after dance classes and bring her over to the studio, where Alex would entertain her by letting her teach him the ballet moves she was taught. </p><p>Luke and Reggie usually ended up playing songs for them, and Bobby would either sulk about band time being spent with Reggie’s little sister or join them and make up songs for Maggie. </p><p>Today, Bobby had to work until five though, and Reggie was napping up on the loft, because when he’d turned up with Maggie he’d looked so tired Alex and Luke were both worried he was gonna fall asleep where he stood. They’d ganged up on him and bullied him into taking a nap, and had resolved to keep Maggie occupied for as long as Reggie needed to catch up on some sleep. </p><p>He hadn’t been spending nights with Luke or Alex as often anymore, had cited the need to be home to take care of Maggie as the reason why, but Alex suspected that something else was going on too. </p><p>He’d tried to ask Reggie about it when they were alone too, however rare those moments were, but Reggie had become increasingly good at diverting Alex’s attention<b>—</b> and Alex wanted to believe that Reggie <em> would </em> come to him or Luke or even Bobby if something was really wrong. </p><p>“Alex,” Maggie tugged on his shirt and frowned at him reproachfully. “You’re not paying attention.”</p><p>“Yeah, Alex,” Luke chuckled from his spot on the couch. “Pay attention.” </p><p>Alex flipped him off before turning back to Maggie, who was pouting at him. “I’m sorry, Mags,” he said sincerely. “What was the next move?” </p><p>“A pirouette,” Maggie insisted, pushing at his hip. “You’ve already done that one.” </p><p>“Of course I have,” Alex grinned, straightening up and spinning in a circle. “Like that, Lady Margaret?” He asked teasingly, winking at her as Luke laughed. </p><p>Maggie wrinkled her nose. “My name’s <em> Maggie, </em> Alex. And you were doing it <em> wrong </em>,” she said bossily, shoving at him lightly. Alex grinned, but let Maggie move him around as she liked, twirling and turning at her command as Luke laughed and tugged on his guitar strings to produce one of the many songs he and Reggie had written for Maggie over the years.</p><p>When Maggie had tired herself out, she flopped dramatically on the couch beside Luke and demanded he show her how to play the guitar. She’d already had drumming lessons with Alex last week<b>—</b> while she was definitely enthusiastic, all they’d really accomplished was teaching her how to be <em> very </em> loud <b>—</b>and she seemed determined to learn every instrument the boys knew. </p><p>Luke only grinned before moving the guitar over onto Maggie’s lap and carefully positioning her hands on the chords as he explained how to pluck the strings and how to move her fingers. </p><p>Alex couldn’t help but smile at the sight<b>—</b>they did look adorable, Luke with a wide grin and Maggie with a tiny furrow in her brow as she looked down at her hands—before he checked his watch. He glanced up to the loft, where he assumed Reggie was still passed out cold, and then back down at his watch. </p><p>He didn’t think Reggie’s parents would even notice if either of their kids didn’t show up, but he didn’t want Reggie to get in trouble for keeping Maggie out too late either. </p><p>When he looked up again, Luke caught his eye and Alex could tell the same thought had occurred to Luke. He helped Maggie settle comfortably on the couch with the guitar before he got up and approached Alex. “Do we wake him up?” he said in a low voice, glancing up at the loft. </p><p>Alex heaved a sigh. “I really don’t want to.” He glanced towards Maggie, who was still happily plucking on the guitar strings, before returning his gaze to Luke. “You’ve noticed, right? He’s been off, lately. I thought it was getting better, but—” </p><p>“Yeah,” Luke sighed. “Yeah, I noticed.” He crossed his arms over his chest and chewed on his lower lip. “He won’t talk to me either, it’s driving me <em> nuts </em>.” He glanced back up at the loft, then at Maggie and then finally back at Alex. “I can walk Maggie home. Can you stay here with him? My mom’s been on my case about school and staying out, I can’t—” </p><p>“Yeah,” Alex nodded. “Yeah, no worries, I’ll stick around.” </p><p>Luke smiled tightly and clasped his shoulder before he turned back to Maggie and hustled her into packing up her things into the sparkling purple and blue backpack they’d all gotten her for her last birthday. When Luke had wrangled her into putting her shoes and coat back on, she ran over to Alex and threw her arms around his torso. </p><p>“Bye Alex,” she squeaked, and Alex couldn’t help but grin. </p><p>God, he loves this kid. </p><p>“Bye Mags,” he grinned, running a hand through her hair soothingly. “See you next week, ‘kay?” </p><p>“Yes,” Maggie said cheerfully. “I’ll have new steps to teach you.” She squeezed her arms around him one more time before she let go and turned to Luke, grabbing the guitarist’s hand. Luke grinned at her before he looked back at Alex, raising his eyebrows in silent question. </p><p>
  <em> You got this?  </em>
</p><p>Alex nodded lightly. He knew Luke didn’t know just how close he and Reggie were, he knew that they probably should’ve told him about whatever the hell it was that they were doing a <em> long </em> time ago, but… but it’d been going on for so long that it felt weirder to bring it up now than to not say anything. </p><p>Luke exhaled and then smiled. “Okay,” he said. “okay, let’s go, squirt.” </p><p>Alex grinned at him and Maggie as they walked out, closing the door behind them. He waited for their voices to fade away before he sighed, kicked off his shoes and climbed up to the loft. </p><p>Reggie was sprawled out on his stomach in the middle of the bed they’d built themselves with a multitude of pillows and blankets and a shitty little mattress, face buried in his pillow and the blankets wrapped around his legs. He was snoring lightly, and Alex couldn’t help but smile at the sight of his best friend sleeping soundly for the first time in God knew how long. </p><p>He climbed into the bed too, laying back against one of the pillows next to Reggie and closed his eyes.  </p><p>Reggie wasn’t the only one dealing with a… <em> tense </em> situation at home. Alex knew his parents were <em> waiting </em> for an opportunity to kick him out, waiting for a reason they could do so without embarrassing themselves in front of their church friends, because <em> God forbid </em> it became common knowledge that they had a gay son. </p><p>He expected he had a few more months at most—they’d likely expect him out as soon as he had his high school diploma in hand. </p><p>He didn’t really mind. </p><p>He was tired of pretending to be someone he wasn’t. </p><p>It took him a few moments to realize that Reggie had stopped snoring and another second to notice that the other boy was stirring beside him. “Hey,” he said quietly when Reggie’s eyes—barely visible behind his messy hair—blinked open slowly. </p><p>“Hi,” Reggie breathed. “Where’s Maggie?” </p><p>“Luke walked her home,” Alex explained, rolling onto his side so he was facing Reggie. “We didn’t wanna wake you up. You looked like you needed the rest.” </p><p>Reggie blinked again and then whispered, “Thanks.” </p><p> </p><p>They lay in silence for a little longer before Reggie huffed and rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. The conflicted, confused expression had returned as soon as he woke up properly, and Alex <em> hated </em> seeing the expression on Reggie’s face. </p><p>“Reg,” he sighed. “What’s going on? Are your parents—”</p><p>“No,” Reggie shook his head. “No, not… not more than usual.” </p><p>Alex frowned and reached out to rest his hand on Reggie’s arm gently. “Then what is it? We can all tell something’s bothering you, Reggie. We wanna help.” </p><p>Reggie snorted a derisive laugh, a sound entirely unlike him, and shook off Alex’s hand. “Not with this you don’t. You especially, Alex, trust me.” Alex blinked at him in shock for a second before he sat up, eyeing Reggie contemplatively. </p><p>“Reg, come on,” he cajoled. “You know there isn’t anything you can do that’d push me away.” </p><p>Reggie shook his head again. “You say that now.” </p><p>“And I mean it,” Alex insisted. “Reggie—” </p><p><b>“</b>I’m in love with Luke.” </p><p>Reggie sat up abruptly, looking wild and upset as he said it, and something in Alex’s chest twisted painfully. He wasn’t sure if it was because Reggie just confessed to being in love with the only person Alex had ever been in love with or because he’d been hoping, somewhere deep down, that Reggie would’ve said “I’m in love with you,” instead.</p><p>He wasn’t even sure if that’s what he wanted. </p><p>But. </p><p><em> But </em>. </p><p>It would’ve been easier, wouldn’t it, if they’d just be in love with each other? </p><p>Why couldn’t things just be easy, for once? </p><p>When he looked back at Reggie, the other boy was staring at him with wide, watery green eyes, and it didn’t <em> matter </em> how Alex felt about this. “Reg,” he sighed. “I’m not gonna hate you for falling in love with Luke.” He managed a smile and admitted, “Out of everyone, I absolutely understand how easy it is to fall in love with that dumbass.” </p><p>Reggie exhaled shakily, relieved, and then threw himself in Alex’s arms. </p><p>Alex folded his arms around him and held on tight—he wasn’t sure what to say to make Reggie feel better about this, because while he had experience in getting over Luke, he wasn’t sure if that’s what Reggie wanted at all, or if he’d try to talk to Luke about it.</p><p>Either way, Alex was going to make sure he was there for Reggie. </p><p>Whatever he needed. </p><p>--------------</p><p><br/>
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  <strong>I also sketched Alex and Reggie kissing (the first time after Reggie and Ella break up). Check it out <a href="https://cuthian.tumblr.com/post/635348963923492864/alex-and-reggie-share-a-kiss-in-chapter-one-of">here</a>. </strong>
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<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Reggie (March 1994 - May 1994)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi. </p><p>Remember when I said this was gonna be a short prequel?<br/>One chapter, two tops? </p><p>Yeah. Apparently I lied. </p><p>There's gonna be a third chapter: a Luke chapter 😉<br/>This chapter is all Reggie, so I hope you guys enjoy! </p><p>I do have a few warnings:<br/>- the chapter definitely earns an M-rating for (implied) sexual acts and language<br/>- there is a scene depicting homophobic language and parents being shitty<br/>- Reggie has a panic attack and stops breathing for a second before the boys calm him down. </p><p>Exercise caution where needed, darlings. </p><p>Much, much love,<br/>Annaelle </p><p>PS Eternal thanks to my darling Juulna, who still doesn't know what's going on with these himbos, but continued beta'ing for me anyway. 😍 I'm nothing without you, darling.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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  <b>PART TWO - REGGIE</b>
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  <em>
    <span>“Love is Friendship.” </span>
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  <b>
    <span>— </span>
    <em>
      <span>Shalini Singh</span>
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</p><p><b>EARLY </b> <b>MARCH 1994</b></p><p>“Is there something going on between you and Alex?” </p><p>Reggie’s head snapped up and he stared at Bobby, who looked back with an unreadable expression. They stood, waiting in line at the nearest pizzeria, and Reggie hadn’t expected <em> anyone </em> to pick up on the minor tension between him and Alex, and if anyone would, he certainly hadn’t expected it to be Bobby. </p><p>“No,” he squeaked, and then cleared his throat. “No. We just…” </p><p>He shook his head and started again, trying to come up with a believable lie. “It’s stupid,” he said, “We’ve just been spending a lot of time together, what with Luke… <em> occupied </em>.” The mere implication of Luke’s most recent infatuation with a girl he’d met in detention left a bad taste in his mouth, but… well, it wasn’t exactly a lie, was it? </p><p>He and Alex <em> had </em> been spending a lot of time together, even after Reggie had confessed his feelings towards their other best friend—towards Alex’s ex-boyfriend—but things were <em> different </em> now. </p><p>Alex hadn’t really been as open with Reggie since he’d confessed how he felt, had been notably more tense around Reggie, despite promising that there was nothing that would push him away, and Reggie didn’t know how to bridge this new gap in their friendship. It wasn’t like he could just <em> stop </em> loving Luke—if that was an option, he would’ve taken it in a heartbeat—so he didn’t know <em> what </em> to do. </p><p>“We just had a stupid disagreement,” he continued, smiling lightly at Bobby. “It’s fine, we’ll work it out.” </p><p>Bobby looked away for a second, and he looked conflicted, confused, before he said, “You’d tell me if you guys were…” he sighed and added, “if you guys were… <em> more </em>, right? I mean, you know I don’t care who you date, right?” </p><p>Reggie <em> stared </em> . He’d thought he and Alex had been <em> sneaky </em>, all this time, but if Bobby had picked up on it, then obviously they hadn’t been so very good at it.</p><p>“We’re not,” he denied quickly. “Just a stupid argument. I’ll talk to him, promise. It won’t affect the band.” </p><p>“That’s not—” Bobby began, but then it was their turn to order pizza and the conversation was, mercifully, dropped. Reggie kept up a steady stream of inane chatter as they waited for their pizzas and as they walked back to the studio, <em> desperate </em> to keep Bobby’s mind off of him and Alex—or worse, him and Alex and Luke—and as soon as they walked in, let himself be dragged off by Luke, who wanted to show him the chorus for their newest song ‘ <em> right now, Reggie, come on’ </em>. </p><p>It was easy to let himself be sucked into Luke’s orbit, to imagine that Luke was smiling at him because he felt the same way, to ignore the weird way Alex looked at him now, and the idea that Bobby could see right through him. “This is great,” Luke crowed happily when Reggie suggested a different pace for the chorus of his new song, slinging an arm around his shoulder. “Thanks, Reg.” </p><p>Reggie, who was doing his level best to not burst into flames at the casual affectionate contact, squeaked, “No problem,” and then fled to the couch, where Alex and Bobby had already started on the pizza. He snatched two slices of whatever pizza was nearest and stuffed as much of it in his mouth as he could fit. </p><p>Luke, thankfully, didn’t seem to think this was out of character at all and just laughed, setting down his guitar before he joined Reggie and the others on the couch.</p><p>“So,” Bobby said once they’d finished off the pizzas. “I saw Clare from Coconut Teaszer yesterday. She’s gonna talk to her friend at Juvee and Circus Disco, see if she can call in a favor to get us a gig there.” He grinned and continued, “She said if we can get those and they go well, Teaszer’s manager might be willing to give us a regular gig—we could save up for a professional demo, <em> finally </em>.” </p><p>“Sweet!” Luke exclaimed, leaning halfway across Alex to bump his fist against Bobby’s. </p><p>“Bobby, that’s awesome,” Reggie grinned, patting his shoulder, and he could tell Bobby was preening a little under all the attention. “How’d you convince her? I thought she didn’t like our sound.” </p><p>“I can be persuasive,” Bobby smirked, self-satisfied, and Reggie wrinkled his nose a little. It wasn’t that he didn’t approve of a little flirting to get ahead here and there—they’d all done it at some point—but somehow he didn’t think <em> flirting </em> was what Bobby was implying. </p><p>“Oh, gross, Bobby,” Alex whined, falling back against the cushions. “Are we stooping that low, really?” </p><p>“Hey, I don’t see anyone else getting us an opportunity like this,” Bobby said defensively. </p><p>“Guys, guys,” Luke cut in before Alex could snap back and turn it into an argument. “It doesn’t matter, okay? All that matters is that this is a <em> great </em>opportunity for us, for the band. This could be the springboard that we need to jump into the big leagues.” </p><p>“Yeah,” Reggie nodded enthusiastically, because he didn’t want Alex and Bobby to start fighting, and Luke was <em> right </em>—it didn’t matter. </p><p>Alex didn’t say anything, but he frowned and crossed his arms over his chest, and Bobby very pointedly looked away from him, and no amount of chatter from either him or Luke could save the night. It was only a few minutes later that Bobby told them he had to work the next day and left, leaving Alex, Reggie and Luke sitting in awkward silence. </p><p>“I wanna hang out, guys, but I’m supposed to be meeting Charlie later,” Luke finally said awkwardly, rubbing his hands together, looking at both him and Alex with a pleading expression. </p><p>“Yeah,” Alex said curtly. “Fine. Go ahead.” </p><p>“Jesus,” Luke turned and frowned at Alex. “What crawled up your butt and died?” </p><p>“Nothing,” Alex snorted. “I’m totally fine with Bobby sleeping his way to the top and you cancelling band practice last minute so you can go make out with your newest girlfriend and pretending it’s <em> all fine </em>.” He finished with a sneer. </p><p>“Alex,” Reggie whispered, but Luke had already jumped to his feet and was stalking towards the door. </p><p>“Fine,” he spat angrily. “Fine, be like that.” He grabbed his jacket and backpack up off the floor and slammed the garage door shut behind him. </p><p>Reggie sat, stunned, for a few minutes before he turned to Alex. “What the hell, man?” </p><p>Alex heaved a sigh and shut his eyes, leaning his head back against the couch. “Don’t, Reggie.”</p><p>He sounded exhausted. </p><p>“What’s going on?” Reggie asked, scooting closer to Alex and carefully reaching out to put a hand on his arm. “You’ve been… <em> off </em> for weeks. Since I told you about—”</p><p>“It’s not that. Not everything is about you,” Alex snapped, and Reggie reared back in surprise. </p><p>Alex <em> never </em> snapped at him. He sassed and teased and he was sarcastic as hell, but he never <em> snapped </em>. Reggie must not have realized just how strained things had become between them and he felt like an idiot for it.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he said hoarsely, scooting away again, looking away from Alex. “I just wanted to help.” </p><p>Alex swore under his breath, and Reggie winced a little. He didn’t do great with people being angry around him, and even though he knew Alex would <em> never </em>even dream of hurting him, knowing he was angry made Reggie feel nervous and twitchy and he didn’t like feeling that way around Alex. </p><p>“Reg,” Alex said, softer, and Reggie instinctively flinched away when Alex’s hand fell on his shoulder. Alex pulled away as though his hand had been burned, staring at Reggie with wide, startled eyes. “<em> Shit </em> ,” he swore again, “I’m sorry, Reg, I didn’t—I didn’t mean to snap at you.” He exhaled roughly and shook his head. “My parents have been… <em> pushy </em> lately. About conversion therapy, getting a girlfriend, going to college… It’s been a lot, and I—I took it out on you guys. On <em> you </em>.”</p><p>He lifted his head and smiled weakly. “I’m so sorry, Reg. I didn’t mean to make you think it was you.” </p><p>Reggie <em> wanted </em> to just accept that, wanted to smile at Alex and tell him it was okay, but instead, the words that came out of his mouth were, “I thought you hated me. For… for what I said about my feelings for Luke.” He sounded more upset than he had meant to, and Alex made a soft, concerned sound. </p><p>This time when Alex reached out, Reggie didn’t flinch away, but the tension didn’t leave him until Alex folded him up in his arms, pressing his face into Reggie’s hair. “I’m sorry,” Alex muttered. “I’m so, so sorry. I don’t care that you fell in love with him too. I don’t wanna argue with you. I truly am sorry.” </p><p>Reggie exhaled shakily and wrapped his arms around Alex’s middle, leaning into him. </p><p>“It’s okay,” he conceded. “I’m okay. I just…” He swallowed thickly, ducked and pressed his nose in the crook of Alex’s neck. “I thought I screwed everything up.”</p><p>“No,” Alex whispered. “No, you didn’t.” </p><p>Reggie nodded against him. “Are we okay?” </p><p>“Yeah,” Alex huffed, his breath ruffling Reggie’s hair. “Yeah, Reg, we’re okay.” </p><p>-------------</p><p>
  <b>LATE MARCH 1994</b>
</p><p>Reggie didn’t like drinking. </p><p>He didn’t. </p><p>The only time his dad ever raised a hand at him was when he’d been drinking, and Reggie had made a promise to himself to never get tempted, but then Bobby had shown up to practice with a bag full of liquor that he’d taken from his parents’ liquor cabinet, complete with a grin, and both Alex and Luke had been so enthusiastic that Reggie hadn’t wanted to be a downer. </p><p>Alex had babysat Maggie for him like four times this week and Luke had been super stressed about getting bigger gigs, his parents pressuring him about college and his girlfriend, who didn’t like how much time he spent with them. Even Bobby’s parents had been on his case non-stop about getting into a good university and not wasting his potential on their band. </p><p>They probably needed a drink and Reggie wasn’t going to be the one to keep them from it. </p><p>He’d only had one drink himself, and it’d made him feel all warm and just a little fuzzy, and if that was what drinking was, he wouldn’t mind. After they’d all reached an appropriate level of inebriation—Reggie had no idea what that level was, but the other boys all seemed to agree that three drinks was it for them—Bobby walked Luke home, and Reggie watched them laugh and giggle as they walked away. </p><p>Alex stood behind him when he turned, cheeks flushed pink and his pupils slightly dilated. “Walk you home?” he asked, holding out his hand and grinning, chewing on his lower lip. And Reggie was very stupidly in love with his other best friend, but he’d always been a little sweet on Alex too, and—</p><p>Well… </p><p>He knew that Alex smiled when he was kissed, that he liked to be held when he fell asleep and that he giggled when Reggie scraped his teeth over his earlobe. </p><p>He was in love with Luke, but this thing he had with Alex was <em>also</em> <em>real</em>. </p><p>“Yeah, okay,” Reggie chuckled, his insides going warm and squiggly when Alex honest to God <em> giggled </em> as he looped his arm through Reggie’s. They set off for the short walk to Reggie’s house, swaying lightly across the sidewalk as they walked. </p><p>“You know,” Alex said, slinging his arm around Reggie’s shoulder and drawing him closer. “Maggie asked me to marry her yesterday.” </p><p>“What?” Reggie exclaimed, laughing lightly, though he didn’t resist when Alex pulled him closer again. </p><p>“Yeah,” Alex laughed. “I had to explain that I didn’t like girls. Although I promised that if I ever changed my mind, she’d be the first girl I’d tell and give a chance.” </p><p>Reggie laughed. “I’m sure she was thrilled with that.” </p><p>“Eh,” Alex hedged. “She’ll get over it.” He tugged them to a stop and leaned in to press a lingering kiss to Reggie’s cheek. “I think I prefer her brother anyway.” Reggie swallowed thickly, and turned his head just a little, their noses brushing together.</p><p>“Good,” he whispered, brushing his lips across Alex’s in a barely-there kiss. </p><p>Alex swayed after him when he pulled away, eyes still shut, and <em> God </em> , Reggie <em> loved </em> him. Not like he loved Luke—not with the same breathless longing that he felt when he looked at Luke, not with the same burning desire that threatened to consume him when Luke smiled at him—but it was love nonetheless. </p><p>Alex’s eyes fluttered open again and he smiled, wide and happy, pressing his palm to Reggie’s cheek. Reggie kind of melted into the touch, swaying back towards Alex despite being in the middle of the sidewalk, only a few feet from his house, where just about anyone could see them. “I know you’re in love with Luke,” Alex said quietly, and he was so close that Reggie could feel his breath on his lips. “But I’m going to kiss you anyway.” </p><p>“Oh,” Reggie breathed, leaning in to rest his forehead against Alex’s. “Okay. Yes. <em> Please </em>.”</p><p>Alex chuckled lightly and leaned in to press their lips together, running his hands down the length of Reggie’s back. Reggie shuddered and kissed him back, pressing into Alex’s embrace as much as he could, relishing in the easy comfort of Alex’s touch. “I don’t wanna stop,” he admitted in a rush when Alex broke the kiss, slipping his arms around Alex’s shoulders. “I know I love Luke, and I don’t know if that’s going away anytime soon, but…” </p><p>“Yeah,” Alex whispered, leaning in to press a flurry of small, soft kisses to Reggie’s cheeks, nose, and lips. “I get it. I don’t wanna stop either.” Reggie leaned into the kisses, allowing Alex to soothe the frantic energy within him, slanting their lips together again as soon as Alex tried to lean back, shivering a little when Alex slipped his—<em> cold— </em>hands up under his shirt. </p><p>“You know,” Reggie chuckled when Alex leaned back to gulp a few breaths, “My house is right up there. With my bedroom. I’ve got a bed and everything.” </p><p>“Yeah,” Alex grinned. “You gonna invite me in?” </p><p>Reggie smirked and bit his lower lip. “I think I might.” </p><p>-----------</p><p>Reggie smirked when Alex shoved him down onto his bed and unceremoniously plopped down on his lap, wiggling enticingly on top of him, pressing his palms against Reggie’s shoulders and grinning cheekily at him. Reggie barked a laugh and let Alex push him down until he rested on his back on the bed, fingers trailing down Alex’s torso until they came to rest on his hips.</p><p>“Tipsy you is <em> handsy,” </em> he chuckled, grinning up at Alex in delight. </p><p>“Shut up,” Alex laughed quietly, pressing his thumb to Reggie’s jaw to tilt his head up for a kiss, moving back a little on his thighs when Reggie moved to sit up again. “Just can’t keep my hands off of you—you’re too sexy.” </p><p>Reggie tried—<em> tried so hard </em>—not to blush at Alex’s words, but he could feel his cheeks heat up nonetheless, lips parting as he tried to figure out a way to say something smooth in response to that. “You can’t say stuff like that,” he whined, dropping his head forward to rest against Alex’s collar bone, and wrapping his arms around Alex’s waist.</p><p>“Aw, but you blush so pretty when I do,” Alex teased him playfully, poking at the ticklish spot just below his ribs that no one but Alex—and maybe Maggie—knew about, and Reggie <em> yelped </em>. </p><p>“Alex!” he exclaimed, jerking away from Alex’s questing fingers as much as he could with the other boy still perched on his lap and determined to make him produce the sound again.</p><p>“Shhh, be quiet, Reggie,” Alex laughed triumphantly, “We can’t wake up your mom and your sister.” And Reggie couldn’t—he couldn’t do anything other than writhe with laughter beneath him, falling back onto the bed in a desperately futile attempt to escape Alex’s relentless quest to make him laugh.</p><p>“Stop, stop,” he gasped breathlessly, tears of mirth rolling down his cheeks as he struggled to catch his breath between chuckles. “I give. You win.”</p><p>“Good,” Alex smirked, settling himself on top of Reggie with an elbow on each side of his head, and Reggie had to focus to keep his entire train of thought from becoming derailed by the feel of Alex’s body pressed along his own. “Now be quiet and let me decide if I wanna kiss you again.”</p><p>Reggie hummed contentedly and tilted his head up, pushing his lower lip out into a pout until Alex relented and leaned down to press a kiss to his lips. Reggie grinned against Alex’s lips and dug his fingers into Alex’s hair—he was probably going to get it cut soon, it was longer than Reggie had ever seen him wear it before, and Reggie was going to take advantage of the longer coupe for as long as he damn well could—to drag him closer, licking up into Alex’s mouth as the other boy moaned against his lips. </p><p>The triumphant feeling only lasted for a second though, because it didn’t take long for Alex to get with the program enthusiastically, and Reggie thought it was entirely unfair that Alex knew to scrape his teeth against Reggie’s lower lip like that, the way that made him shiver all over and melt into a puddle beneath Alex’s steady weight.</p><p>“Alex,” he whined when the kiss broke, both of them gasping for air, Reggie’s fingers—the ones that weren’t locked in Alex’s hair—grabbing uselessly at the jean jacket that Alex was still wearing.</p><p>“Yeah, Reg,” Alex breathed harshly, grinding down and sending red-hot arousal rushing through Reggie’s veins. “I know, sweetheart,” Alex whispered against his lips, and Reggie’s brain—kind of—shorted out—</p><p>“Oh,” Reggie choked, slipping his hand down to dig his fingers into the meat of Alex’s ass. “That’s new.” </p><p>“Yeah,” Alex chuckled lightly. “Want me to stop?” </p><p>“No, dear God, don’t you dare stop,” Reggie groaned as Alex sat up, entranced by the graceful way Alex moved to get his jean jacket off and tossed aside, swiftly followed by his shirt, the light coming in through the window glinting on the gold chain around his neck. </p><p>“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Alex quipped cheekily, but before Reggie could say anything snarky in reply, Alex was on him again, and Reggie would say something, but Alex’s tongue was in his mouth and he was pretty sure he forgot how to think—much less talk—altogether when Alex’s chest rumbled with a moan against his fingers, his tongue sweeping against the back of Reggie’s teeth.</p><p>He keened when Alex’s fingers tugged on his hair, shooting sparks of pleasure down his spine, dragging his head to the side and breaking their kiss to mouth his way down Reggie’s jaw and neck.</p><p>He paid particular attention to the little spot just beneath Reggie’s jaw that had him practically melting into a puddle beneath Alex, the sensation of Alex’s lips against his feverishly hot skin and the solidness of Alex’s body pressing into him, surrounding him almost too much—but also not nearly enough.</p><p>“You’re being—” He gasped as Alex scraped his teeth across his earlobe, fingers digging into Alex’s biceps. “—you’re being really unfair.”</p><p>Alex laughed huskily against him, and Reggie shivered but pressed back into the touch when Alex’s hand slipped down from where his fingers were tangled in Reggie’s hair to cradle the back of his head. “It’s not unfair unless I don’t finish what I started. Don’t worry.” He shifted, pushing one leg between Reggie’s and pushing <em> up </em>, dragging his teeth across Reggie’s bottom lip teasingly. “I plan on following through, sweetheart.”  </p><p>Reggie moaned, clutching at Alex as the other boy pushed his legs open to settle himself between them, lips occupying Reggie’s in a downright filthy kiss. Reggie couldn’t bring himself to care about the noise and the possibility of his parents finding them anymore, because Alex was between his legs, pressing up against him, and he could barely remember how to <em> breathe </em>.</p><p>God, Reggie adored him.</p><p>He groaned against Alex’s lips when the other boy rolled his hips down, slipped one leg up and around Alex’s hip, and slid his hands down to the edge of Alex’s waistband and then up, marveling at the fact that he could feel Alex’s warm skin beneath his palms and could feel the twitch of Alex’s muscles as he dragged his blunt nails across Alex’s back.</p><p>“I’m not done with us,” Alex panted when the kiss broke, teeth scraping across Reggie’s collar bone before he soothed over the abused skin with his tongue as he ground himself against Reggie’s painful hard-on. “I don’t care that you love Luke. I’m not done with us.” </p><p>“Me either,” Reggie croaked, feeling unexpectedly overwhelmed when he realised that he was with Alex, that Alex wanted this, <em> him </em>, too. </p><p>Still. </p><p>Even after Reggie had told him about his feelings for Luke. </p><p>Even though they weren’t actually in love. </p><p>Even though he didn’t think either of them actually had any idea what they were doing together.</p><p>“Me either,” he repeated, before pulling Alex down to kiss him again, grinding up against him. “I’m not done with us either.” </p><p>---------------</p><p>Reggie woke the next morning when he felt something flutter lightly across his forehead, then his nose, his lips, his chin, his collarbones, blinking in confusion before he realized it was Alex, gently tracing his fingers across Reggie’s face and upper body. He stilled for a second, and Alex froze before Reggie relaxed and leaned into Alex’s touch. </p><p>“Hi,” he whispered hoarsely when he rolled his head to the side to look at Alex. </p><p>He wondered, when Alex remained quiet and unreadable for a long, tense few minutes, if last night had been a mistake. They’d crossed a line they hadn’t crossed before, that they’d never <em> meant </em> to cross when they first kissed, and though Reggie had been <em> so sure </em> that they were on the same page, that Alex knew that Reggie cared about him <em> so much </em>, he was a little worried that maybe Alex had been more drunk than he’d let on last night.</p><p>And then Alex exhaled shakily and slid his hand down, coming to rest on Reggie’s bare waist. “Hey,” he finally said, sounding quite sleepy still, offering a tight smile when Reggie shuffled a little closer. </p><p>“You okay?” Reggie said quietly, reaching out to pat his hand on Alex’s bicep. </p><p>“Yeah,” Alex nodded. “Yeah, just…” He looked down and smiled wryly. “Trying to figure this out, I guess.” Reggie swallowed thickly, eyeing Alex nervously—he didn’t look like he regretted much of what they’d done and said the previous night, but then Alex always had the best poker face out of all of them. </p><p>“It wasn’t bad, right?” Reggie asked quietly, looking away from Alex, because he wasn’t sure he wanted to see the potential rejection on Alex’s face, not after Reggie had dared to hope that maybe… maybe he and Alex could figure out what they could be together. </p><p>“No,” Alex whispered, and Reggie’s head snapped back up to look at him. </p><p>Alex was smiling softly, expression open and fond. “You scare me sometimes,” Alex admitted. “Because I think… I think it’d be so easy to just get caught up in this. In us.” He swallowed thickly and ran his fingers through Reggie’s messy hair, and Reggie’s eyes fluttered shut for a second. Alex chuckled quietly and added, “I don’t want us both to end up with a broken heart, Reg.” </p><p>“I don’t ever wanna break your heart,” Reggie said urgently, pressing his hand to Alex’s cheek. </p><p>Alex smiled sadly. “I don’t want to break yours.” </p><p>“Then we just won’t,” Reggie said optimistically. “We can just… we can just try. And if it’s not working anymore, we’ll just be honest about it.” He looked at Alex pleadingly, rubbing his thumb across Alex’s cheek. “Can’t we just try?” </p><p>Alex huffed a breath through his nose, tipping forward to rest his forehead against Reggie’s with a small smile. “Yeah, okay, Reg. We can try. Does that mean we’re telling Luke and Bobby too?” </p><p>Reggie froze. </p><p>“I—” he choked. “Is it okay if I’m not ready for that?” </p><p>Alex nodded lightly. “Yeah, Reg, that’s okay. But,” he continued thoughtfully, “We can’t just keep lying indefinitely.” He ran his hand down the length of Reggie’s back and Reggie shivered a little as the move dislodged the sheet and exposed his bare skin to the cold morning air. </p><p>“I don’t want that either,” Reggie said. “I don’t like keeping things from Luke either.” </p><p>“So you’re going to tell him how you feel?” Alex asked. </p><p>“No, not yet,” Reggie shook his head. “But… maybe. When I feel less like I’ll break when I say something and he doesn’t feel the same way.” </p><p>Alex’s eyes darkened a little and his lips turned down into a frown, but he nodded in understanding. </p><p>“On a happier note,” Reggie said brightly, pressing into Alex with his entire body, “I am <em> much </em>less sore than I was last time.” He grinned when Alex’s cheeks flushed immediately and his hand tightened on Reggie’s bare hip. “Must mean we did something right this time,” Reggie finished.</p><p>“Oh, yeah, it’s gotta,” Alex snorted, but when Reggie leaned in to kiss him, he kissed back slowly and deeply. Reggie let Alex nudge him back until he was flat on his back again, Alex leaning over him, one hand on his hip, Reggie’s fingers tangled in Alex’s hair. </p><p>His lips were incredibly soft and still tasted faintly of the cherry liquor he’d drank last night. Reggie sighed happily against Alex’s lips and sank into the kiss, sliding his leg up over Alex’s to pull him closer. The feeling of fabric startled him though, and he leaned back to pout at Alex. “When did you put on pants?” He reconsidered and then said, “<em> Why </em> did you put on pants?” </p><p>Alex chuckled and whispered, “I didn’t wanna run to the bathroom naked. What if I’d run into your parents?” He grimaced and added, “Or worse, <em> Maggie </em>.” </p><p>Reggie snorted a laugh and nodded. “Okay, fair enough.” </p><p>Alex grinned down at him and pressed one more kiss against Reggie’s lips before he tapped at Reggie’s hip. “Come on, put something on. Everyone’s going to be up soon.” Reggie pouted and then smiled when Alex groaned, before he gave in and kissed Reggie again. </p><p>Reggie smiled when Alex pulled away, and he inhaled deeply, taking a second to, you know, remember how his limbs worked before he managed to roll out of the bed and onto his feet. He grabbed the nearest pair of sweatpants and tank top and shimmied them on, spinning around with his arms spread wide to grin at Alex. </p><p>“Better?” he asked teasingly. </p><p>“No,” Alex smirked, leaning back on his hands, blatantly eyeing Reggie up and down, and Reggie could <em> feel </em> Alex’s eyes <em> burning </em> on his skin. “I preferred you with less clothing.” </p><p>“You told me to put something on,” Reggie pointed out, raising both eyebrows at Alex. </p><p>Alex grinned and pushed to his feet, approaching Reggie with a kind of predatory gleam in his eye that Reggie had <em> never </em> seen before and that—that did <em> things </em> to his insides. “Jesus, Alex,” he groaned, “Don’t look at me like that.” </p><p>“Why not?” Alex asked playfully, reaching out and tugging Reggie to him by his hips. </p><p>“It makes me wanna do <em> really </em> inappropriate things,” Reggie admitted, framing Alex’s face in his hands when Alex wrapped his arms around Reggie’s waist. Alex just raised an eyebrow at him, and <em> really </em>, that was a challenge if Reggie ever saw one—he never could resist a dare. Alex huffed a mildly surprised breath against his lips when Reggie crashed their lips together again, but Reggie could tell he was smiling too.</p><p>And then Reggie’s bedroom door swung open. </p><p>They jerked apart, eyes wide and slightly horrified, but the damage was done, and Reggie’s dad stood in the doorway, large and imposing and frozen in shock.  </p><p>“Dad,” Reggie choked. </p><p>It was like the sound of Reggie’s voice unfroze his father, his pale cheeks flushing with anger and his entire face twisting into a nearly unrecognizable, furious expression that Reggie instinctively flinched away from. “What the <em> fuck </em> do you think you’re doing, boy?!” he hissed dangerously, and Reggie knew that tone, knew that when his dad spoke like that, it was time to hide in his room and to make sure Maggie was asleep or wearing earphones. </p><p>But Alex was right behind him and his dad was blocking the door and there was nowhere to hide. </p><p>“Dad,” he tried, and he <em> hated </em> how small and weak his voice sounded, how <em> scared </em>. “It wasn’t—” </p><p>“How <em> dare </em> you do this to our family?!” his dad roared, and Reggie flinched back, bumping into Alex, who steadied him with his hands on Reggie’s upper arms. That, evidently, was the wrong thing to do, because Reggie’s dad stormed forward and ripped Alex bodily away from him, shoving him so hard that Alex nearly tripped over the various items of clothing they’d carelessly thrown around the room last night, barely able to catch himself on the side of the bed. </p><p>“You,” his dad hissed, and Reggie watched in horror as his father loomed over Alex. “You’re <em> so </em> lucky your parents are prominent members of the church. They <em> will </em> hear about this and I <em> will </em> make sure that they know you <em> defiled </em> my boy.” </p><p>“He didn’t—” Reggie tried, “Dad, I’m—it’s not—” </p><p>“This isn’t about you,” his dad screamed at him, and Reggie recoiled again. “Do you think you’re ready for this kind of <em> lifestyle, boy? </em> Do you think <em> anyone </em> will want to employ you? Do you think they’ll employ me and your mother? <em> All </em> of our trouble will be on <em> you! </em> What do you think they’ll call your sister if they know about you, you <em> stupid </em> boy? She’s gonna lose her friends—parents won’t let their kids play with her now, this is gonna follow her <em> forever </em>!” </p><p>Reggie winced and hunched in on himself—was he being selfish? He’d never… he’d never considered that what he did might have ill effects on his family—on <em> Maggie </em>. </p><p>“This is more than just you,” his dad spat disgustedly. “This affects us all, you <em> spoiled </em> , <em> selfish, ungrateful little faggot </em> !” He glared at Reggie and Alex both and then hissed, “Get out. Get your stuff and get the fuck out—and don’t you <em> dare </em>come back. You have five minutes to get out. Don’t you darken our doorway again.” </p><p>He shot one more venomous glare at them and then stomped out of the room, slamming the door so hard it rattled in the frame. </p><p>Reggie let out a shaky breath he hadn’t known he was holding, staring at the door. He didn’t even realize he was breathing erratically until Alex pressed a hand to the center of his back and said, urgently, “Reg, calm down. We have to pack your things, okay, really fast. We can freak out later, but I need you to focus right now. Please, Reg.” </p><p>Reggie’s eyes fastened on the red mark on Alex’s arm. “He hurt you,” he whispered hoarsely, reaching out trembling fingers to touch Alex’s arm. “Alex, he hurt you.” </p><p>“No,” Alex sighed, “No, Reg, I’m okay, I promise. It’s probably not even going to bruise.” He took Reggie’s hand and squeezed it. “Grab a bag, okay? Put your clothes in there, as many of them as you can fit. I’ll get your school things and your guitar.” </p><p>“Alex,” Reggie choked when Alex tried to pull away, and Alex exhaled sharply before ducking down and pressing a hard, brief kiss to Reggie’s lips. </p><p>“We’re okay,” he insisted. “Now get your things, okay? Can you do that for me?” </p><p>Reggie nodded shakily. </p><p>“Good,” Alex smiled shakily. “Good.” He pressed one more kiss to Reggie’s forehead and then pulled away, leaving Reggie swaying in place, cold and disoriented for a couple of seconds before he managed to do as Alex asked and got a bag, pulling open his closet and stuffing as many clothes in there as he could. </p><p>When the bag was full, stuffed with jeans, socks, t-shirts and underwear, Reggie turned to Alex, who had Reggie’s bass slung over one shoulder and his bag with school books and materials over the other. </p><p>“Come on,” Alex said quietly, holding out a hand. “Let’s go.” </p><p>Reggie stared at him for a beat and then, slowly, feeling like he was making an irreversible decision, took it, and let Alex lead him out of the house. </p><p>-----------</p><p>Later, Reggie couldn’t remember much of the walk to Luke’s house. </p><p>He knew that Alex, at some point, had moved the book bag he was carrying to his other shoulder and had wrapped an arm around Reggie, tugging him close, and that Reggie had sunk into the warmth of him eagerly, because he was dressed in sweatpants and a tank top and flip flops, and Alex wasn’t even wearing a shirt, just an unzipped hoodie he must’ve shrugged on as they were leaving, and it was still cold outside.</p><p>He knew that he had, at one point, tried to talk, but that his mouth just didn’t want to form the words. </p><p>Alex had understood anyway. </p><p>He knew that he’d suddenly found himself on Luke’s front porch, Alex’s arm still around him, when Mrs. Patterson opened the door in her bathrobe, looking confused and then horrified to find them standing there in their pyjamas, bags in hand and tears still burning in Reggie’s eyes. </p><p>She had ushered them inside immediately, and Reggie knew that she was asking them things, that Alex was answering, but he felt like his head was under water and all sound was muffled. </p><p>He let himself be led to the couch and relinquished his death grip on his bag when Alex pried his fingers open, and when he looked up he could see Alex’s lips moving, could tell that he was talking to him, that Alex was probably scared and confused and hurt too, but he couldn’t—</p><p>He couldn’t <em> breathe </em>. </p><p>What was he supposed to do now? </p><p>He couldn’t go home anymore. <em> He couldn’t go home </em>. He was barely eighteen, he hadn’t even graduated yet—Sunset Curve was nowhere near successful enough to support him. </p><p>What was he going to do? </p><p>And then someone’s warm palm was burning on his cheek and when Reggie looked up, Luke was right in front of him,  brow furrowed in concern, Alex hovering anxiously just behind him and—and— </p><p>“Hey. Hey, Reggie. Look at me.” Luke was talking, and though he still sounded like he was miles away, his voice managed to penetrate the haze of static white noise that encapsulated Reggie’s entire world. Luke smiled when Reggie looked at him, and Reggie vaguely thought that if he could still breathe, that smile would probably take his breath away all over again. “Yeah,” Luke grinned. “Okay, hey, buddy. Take a deep breath for me, okay? You’re not breathing right, Reg.” </p><p>Reggie thought that was probably a bit of an exaggeration, because he was pretty sure he wasn’t breathing at all, so how could he not be breathing right? </p><p>“Reggie,” Alex pleaded, rushing forward to kneel in front of him, next to Luke, his voice piercing through the white noise as his hand landed heavily on Reggie’s knee. “<em> Breathe </em>.” Reggie obeyed before he thought about it, inhaling sharply, dizzy with the sudden rush of oxygen, and swayed in place for a single heartbeat before he tipped forward into Luke and Alex. </p><p>They both caught him, as he had known, instinctively, that they would, their arms wrapping around him and holding him steady, and Reggie <em> broke </em>. </p><p>He burst into tears, pressing his face into the crook of Alex’s neck, fingers clenched in the back of Luke’s shirt too, to keep him close, where Reggie could feel him and hear him and smell him, because he couldn’t <em> bear </em> the thought of either of the boys being any less close than this, being anywhere other than right here with him, warm hands rubbing soothingly over his back and their voices melting together in a wordless, reassuring murmur. </p><p>“We’ve got you,” he heard Luke mutter as his hand swept up and down Reggie’s back. “We’re here, Reg.” </p><p>Reggie had no idea how long he cried, but slowly, his tears tapered off, and his body relaxed in his best friends’ arms, and he kind of drifted into a light doze. He barely registered being moved back onto the couch, refusing to loosen his grip on Alex, who didn’t stop running his fingers through Reggie’s hair. </p><p>“What happened?” he heard Luke ask quietly, rubbing his thumb over Reggie’s ankle soothingly. </p><p>Alex’s chest rumbled a little under his cheek, but it was soothing, and Reggie kept his eyes closed, relaxing into them as much as he could. “I stayed over,” Alex said softly. “I’d had a little too much, yesterday, and I didn’t want to walk all the way home, so I stayed. His dad’s always been a little weird around me, but I guess when he walked in and saw us hugging, he lost it. Called Reggie a fag and…” He paused and Reggie was just aware enough to press into him a little more, to move to comfort even though he wasn’t even looking at Alex. “... It was awful, Luke. He’s probably gonna tell me parents God knows what too, but—” </p><p>“Shit,” Reggie heard Luke curse. “Shit, Alex, I’m sorry.” </p><p>“Nothing we can do now,” Alex muttered. “Besides I think Reg got the worst of it, not me. My parents already knew I was an incurable homosexual, in their words. This probably won’t change much for me, but…” Reggie hummed under his breath when Alex tugged very lightly on his hair. “He can’t go home.” </p><p>“Yeah,” Luke whispered. “We’ll figure something out. My dad’s driving over to talk to Reggie’s dad, to see if he can pack up his stuff, at least.” </p><p>Alex exhaled shakily. “Well, that’s something.”</p><p>They fell silent, and Reggie relaxed further into them, the steady beat of Alex’s heart under his ear lulling him deeper and deeper into a doze until he eventually managed to fall asleep.</p><p>He was with Alex and Luke. He was safe. </p><p>They’d figure everything out. </p><p>----------------</p><p>
  <b>MAY 1994 (SATURDAY)</b>
</p><p>There was something different in the way Alex kissed him, these days. </p><p>It was like… like his heart wasn’t in it anymore, like he was just going along with whatever Reggie wanted, and Reggie <em> hated </em> it. Alex was <em> distant </em> , was pulling away from him, and Reggie didn’t know what had triggered it, what had changed to make Alex go from desperately affectionate in the wake of Reggie’s dad kicking them out, to… to <em> this </em>. </p><p>Before, whenever Reggie would look at him, Alex would catch his eye and grin back at him or wink at him; would smile the same kind of smile that he smiled right before he’d lean in to kiss him, and Reggie would have to look away so he wouldn’t have to explain to Luke or Bobby why he was blushing. </p><p>Now, whenever Reggie managed to catch Alex’s eye, Alex would wince and look away or pointedly gaze at Luke or Bobby instead, and Reggie… </p><p>Reggie would feel like an idiot. </p><p>They barely spent any time alone together anymore, and Alex hadn’t managed more than a perfunctory peck on the lips unless Reggie reached out for him first; he’d hardly made any sort of move towards Reggie at all. </p><p>He wondered, as he curled up on the little bed they’d put together in the loft, if Alex had just grown tired of him, of <em> them </em>, or if he’d decided he couldn’t deal with Reggie not being over Luke yet, or if he’d just decided that they weren’t working anymore. </p><p>Reggie shivered. </p><p>He didn’t want Alex to break things off so soon after they’d decided they wanted to give things a real shot. He didn’t know how they’d gone from an easy, effortless relationship that they’d kind of tumbled into, to this… this <em> strained </em> connection that felt like it was seconds away from shattering if Reggie pushed too hard, too fast. </p><p>He missed the simplicity of their relationship before, missed how sure he’d been that if he reached out for Alex, that he’d find Alex reaching out for him too. Missed kissing Alex and making out with him and having sex and sleeping together—</p><p>He <em> missed Alex </em>. </p><p>And that was <em> ridiculous </em> , because Alex was <em> right here </em> ; he hadn’t stopped spending time with him and the others, but the simple <em> intimacy </em> Reggie had gotten used to had vanished as if overnight, and he was afraid that he’d done something to make Alex pull away. </p><p>He heaved a sigh and let himself topple backwards into the pillows and sheets, staring up at the ceiling blankly. The band, thankfully, was doing really great—they’d gotten bigger gigs, and even a few specifically advertised as Sunset Curve that had a turnout they hadn’t quite expected, and it’d helped Reggie keep his mind off of Alex (and Luke). </p><p>Most of the time anyway. </p><p>He’d gotten really good at keeping his mind off Luke, made easier by Luke hooking up with every pretty girl—and the occasional guy—that fluttered their eyelashes at him, but he’d been so focused on Alex for so long that he didn’t know what to do with himself now that Alex wasn’t there. </p><p>“Hey man.” </p><p>Reggie startled and nearly rolled off the loft, eyes wide as he looked at Luke, who’d just appeared atop the ladder. “Jesus,” he groaned, heaving himself back to the middle of the bed. “Warn a guy, Luke.” </p><p>Luke snorted a laugh and crawled onto the bed too, kicking off his shoes and wedging himself into the narrow space beside Reggie, pressing their sides together. “Didn’t feel like going home,” he explained, nudging his shoulder against Reggie’s. “And I feel like you and I haven’t spent time together in ages.” </p><p>They really hadn’t. </p><p>Reggie had made sure of it because <em> he couldn’t act normal </em> around him. He kept getting lost in Luke’s eyes, kept catching himself staring at Luke’s lips while his best friend was talking, gravitating towards him even when he was trying not to— </p><p>He didn’t want Luke to pull away from him too, just because Reggie couldn’t keep himself in check. </p><p>“I guess we haven’t,” Reggie admitted quietly. “We’ve both probably been busy.” </p><p>Luke winced a little and Reggie turned his head to look at him quizzically. Luke frowned and said, “Yeah, I’m sorry, I’ve—” He heaved a sigh and shrugged. “My mom’s been putting a lot of pressure on me about college, and I just wanna focus on the band now that we’re actually getting somewhere, and it’s—it’s been a lot.” He smiled at Reggie and Reggie’s heart did some kind of funny flop in his chest. </p><p>“Right,” Reggie choked. “That sucks, man. I’m sorry.” </p><p>“Yeah, well,” Luke sighed. “She’s not gonna let go and neither am I, so…”</p><p>Reggie bumped their shoulders together and offered Luke a sad little smile. “Still sucks.” He wished there was something else he could say, a way he could make this easier for Luke and his mom, but he knew that this was something they’d have to work out themselves too. </p><p>This had been brewing for <em> years </em>, ever since they’d started the band. </p><p>Luke sighed and rolled onto his side, tucking himself close to Reggie, his nose pressed against Reggie’s neck and his arm slung around his waist, and Reggie was <em> terrified </em> that Luke would hear the way his heart was racing, <em> terrified </em> he’d realize Reggie was holding himself just a little too stiffly even as he folded his arms around Luke in return. </p><p>“You cool if I crash with you?” Luke muttered against Reggie’s skin, and Reggie shivered. </p><p>“Yeah,” he squeaked, ignoring the little flutter in the pit of his stomach at the thought of getting to spend at least eight hours pressed up against Luke like this. “Yeah, anytime.” </p><p>Luke hummed happily, and Reggie smiled stupidly up at the ceiling, relishing in the soft weight of Luke’s body as he leaned against him. Before he could second guess himself, he leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of Luke’s head, slipping his arm around Luke’s shoulders, waiting for Luke to start talking again because he’d known him long enough to know Luke wasn’t done yet. </p><p>“She just doesn’t get it,” Luke muttered, splaying his fingers out on Reggie’s chest, absent-mindedly rubbing the fabric of Reggie’s shirt between his fingers. “She still thinks this is just… just… a hobby. A teenage obsession that I’m gonna grow out of.” Reggie swallowed thickly when Luke accidentally rubbed his fingers over Reggie’s nipple, which hardened immediately beneath the innocent touch, and briefly lost track of what Luke was telling him. </p><p>“...just so focused on college, and building a <em> regular </em> career and she doesn’t get that I <em> don’t want that </em> , and I <em> hate </em> that she doesn’t get it, she’s <em> my mom </em> , I love her, and I want her to <em> understand </em>—” He broke off with a barely muffled sob and buried his face against Reggie’s throat again, and all Reggie could really do was hold him and hope that Luke knew Reggie wasn’t going anywhere. </p><p>“It’ll be okay,” he whispered against the top of Luke’s head, rubbing his hands over Luke’s back and arms. “You two are gonna work this out, I know it.” </p><p>Luke was quiet for a while after that, and Reggie almost thought he’d fallen asleep when Luke whispered, “She hates everyone I date too. I can’t do anything right anymore. She hates the band, she hates whoever I date, she hates my grades, she hates that I don’t want to go to college. It’s <em> exhausting </em>.” </p><p>Reggie bit down on his lip, waiting for Luke to tell him more, as he tried to squash the little spark of jealousy that ignited in the pit of his stomach at the idea of Luke actually <em> liking </em> someone else. </p><p>“It’s just…” Luke hesitated. “I <em> hate </em> how tense I am every time I go home.” </p><p>Reggie swallowed and rubbed his hand through Luke’s messy hair, smiling a little when Luke groaned and then went boneless against him. “Maybe don’t bring up the actual amount of people you’re messing around with to your mom,” he suggested, taking care to infuse nonchalance and sarcasm in his tone—Luke needed Reggie to be supportive, not jealous of said aforementioned people. </p><p>“Yeah,” Luke snorted. “Like I’m bringing those up around mom. Or my dad. I know they’re okay with it, with me, just… they don’t really understand that either. I just—I want them to <em> get me </em> .” He unsuccessfully tried to stifle another sob by pressing his face against Reggie’s neck, and choked, “Why can’t they just <em> get me </em>? Why is that so much to ask?” </p><p>“I dunno, Luke,” Reggie whispered, and his heart squeezed painfully as he thought about his own parents, about his father, who had kicked him out without a second thought, about his mother who hadn’t lifted a finger to stop him, about his little sister who barely had a clue why Reggie had <em> abandoned her </em>. “You got me, though. And Alex. And Bobby. We get you.” </p><p>“Yeah,” Luke whispered hoarsely, tightening his fingers in Reggie’s shirt. “Thank God.” </p><p>---------------</p><p>
  <b>MAY 1994 (WEDNESDAY)</b>
</p><p>Reggie managed to corner Alex after rehearsal when Bobby and Luke left, grabbing him by the wrist and dragging him back inside the studio. Alex, to his credit, didn’t struggle when Reggie dragged him back in, and looked at him with raised eyebrows as soon as Reggie closed the doors, almost like he was saying “well, what now?” </p><p>“You’ve been distant,” Reggie blurted, and Alex’s eyes widened minutely before he schooled his expression into a cool mask of indifference. </p><p>“No, I haven’t,” he said, but his voice went up a little higher at the end, and Reggie knew he was lying immediately. Alex, it seemed, realized that too, because he heaved a sigh, his shoulders slumping as he pushed his hands into the pocket of his hoodie. “Okay, maybe I have,” he admitted. </p><p>“Why?” Reggie demanded, pushing forward, pressing his hands to Alex’s shoulders. “I thought we were—I thought we were okay. That we were trying, you know?” </p><p>“Yeah,” Alex breathed, looking down. “Yeah, we were. Look, Reg—” </p><p>Reggie abruptly stepped back. “Are you breaking up with me?” His voice was shaking and he didn’t like how <em> hard </em> the idea of Alex actively wanting to stop <em> everything </em> between them was hitting him, even though he’d been… he’d been kind of prepared for it too. </p><p>“Reg, we’re not even really dating,” Alex said, and that—that <em> really </em> wasn’t what Reggie had expected. </p><p>“Oh,” Reggie choked. “We’re not?” </p><p>Alex heaved a sigh, running his hand through his hair. “Okay, look,” he said slowly. “I know I said—I know I said that we could try, that I didn’t care that you were still in love with Luke… but it—it hurts. Seeing you look at him like that when… Shit, Reggie.” He shook his head and Reggie felt vaguely nauseous. “I don’t know if I can do it anymore.” </p><p>Reggie sucked his lower lip between his teeth, chewing on it anxiously as he took a few steps back until the backs of his legs hit the couch and he sank down onto it. </p><p>“Why didn’t you just tell me that?” he asked quietly, looking up at Alex helplessly. “We promised.” </p><p>Alex heaved a sigh and then moved to sit beside Reggie. “Look… After your dad, I know we were… I know I let myself get <em> so </em> caught up in this, in us, and I—” He shook his head again and looked down at his hands. “Reg, I <em> want </em> to give us a shot, I really, really do, but I feel like you can’t do that. Not really, not while you’re in love with Luke, and I don’t want to force you to get over that. I know how hard it is, but—”</p><p>“No, hang on,” Reggie interrupted, holding a hand up. “Why do you get to decide how I feel?” </p><p>“Reg,” Alex tried, but Reggie jumped to his feet, actually a little angry at Alex for just <em> presuming </em>. </p><p>“No,” he said harshly. “No, you don’t get to decide who I love more—<em> yes </em> , I’m in love with Luke, but that doesn’t mean I don’t… that doesn’t make what you and I have any less <em> real </em>, Alex, I thought… I thought you knew that.” </p><p>Alex looked up at him, eyes wide and lips parted. </p><p>“Alex,” Reggie sighed, deflating. “Alex, tell me you know that.” </p><p>Alex swallowed thickly and looked down. Reggie exhaled shakily and dropped back onto the couch beside Alex, reaching out to put a hand on his thigh. “Alex,” he said quietly, rubbing his thumb over Alex’s thigh soothingly. “What’s really going on?” </p><p>“I got you kicked out of your house,” Alex blurted, and Reggie blinked. Of all the things he’d expected Alex to say, that hadn’t been one. </p><p>“What?” he whispered. </p><p>“You were kicked out because you were with me,” Alex said again, a little wildly, “and I know how hard it’s been on you, not being able to see Maggie, and—” He looked down and exhaled shakily before he took Reggie’s hand and entwined their fingers. “Reg, I don’t want you to resent me.” </p><p>Reggie blinked again. </p><p>“Why would—Alex,” he shook his head and turned, curling one leg up and underneath him so he was facing Alex directly. “Look at me,” he told Alex, squeezing his hand <em> hard </em> when Alex didn’t comply. “Alex, <em> look at me </em>.” Alex heaved a sigh, but did as Reggie asked and mirrored his position. </p><p>Reggie smiled tremulously and reached out, touching Alex’s cheek lightly. “I need you to listen, because you’re being a massive, <em> massive </em> dumbass, and that’s coming from <em> me </em> .” Alex grinned despite himself and Reggie smiled back. “I am <em> never </em> going to blame you for what my dad did. <em> You </em> took care of me after, when I was a mess, when I could barely even remember how to breathe, you made sure I was somewhere safe, you—” Reggie leaned in and pressed a brief, hard kiss against Alex’s lips. “ <em> Nothing </em> that happened was your fault.” </p><p>He smirked when Alex chased after his lips when he pulled away, but didn’t give in and lean back in right away. “I meant it,” he said quietly, leaning their foreheads together. “I meant it when I said I wanted to try. And I’m not over Luke, and I know that’s hard for you, and I’m sorry. But I’m trying. I’m <em> trying </em>.” </p><p>Alex nodded shakily. “Okay. I’m sorry, I—it’s okay. I wanna try to.” </p><p>“Yeah?” Reggie whispered. </p><p>“Yeah,” Alex smiled, before fitting his hand around the back of Reggie’s neck and pulling him in for another kiss, deeper and hungrier than the first. It was <em> easy </em>, to let loose and lose himself in Alex’s eager touch and the slide of their lips, easy to let Alex draw him closer, so close Reggie was practically in his lap, fingers curled in Alex’s hair and the drummer’s firm hands in his hair and on his waist. </p><p>Reggie rolled his hips against Alex’s and Alex moaned against his lips, a deep, wanton sound that abruptly reminded him that they were on the couch in the studio and that the garage door didn’t lock.</p><p>Slowly, he leaned back, barely able to bite back a groan as Alex tightened his hold on him, digging his teeth into Reggie’s lower lip and his fingers into the back of his neck. </p><p>“Slow down,” he chuckled. “I just don’t want to do this on the couch.” </p><p>Alex pouted, but conceded the point wordlessly, and Reggie grinned, pressing a single, lingering kiss to Alex’s lips before disentangling their limbs and getting to his feet. “Come on then,” he smiled, offering Alex his hand to pull him up from the couch. “We got a perfectly good bed up there.” </p><p>“Good,” Alex hummed, letting Reggie pull him to his feet and slipping his arms around him. “I got plans.” He pressed a kiss to Reggie’s lips. “I’ve missed you.” </p><p>Reggie grinned and took Alex’s hand again, their fingers slotting together neatly. </p><p>“Me too, ‘Lex. Me too.” </p><p>---------------</p><p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. LUKE (DECEMBER 1994 - JULY 1995)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is it, folks! </p><p>There'll be a part three to this series, but probably not until after my exams are over (so late January!) </p><p>Thanks to the lovely folks on the Discord server for soundboarding and letting me ramble and to my lovely Juulna for putting up with me and beta'ing outside of her own fandoms &lt;3 ILY babe. </p><p>Love<br/>Annaelle</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>PART THREE -- LUKE</b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I Chose To Be Your Friend, But Falling In Love With You Was Out Of My Control. And Inevitable.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>— </span>
    <em>
      <span>Unknown Author</span>
    </em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>EARLY DECEMBER 1994 </b>
</p><p>
  <em> “As long as you live under our roof, you’ll obey our rules, Luke!”  </em>
</p><p>Luke shivered. </p><p>His mother’s voice still echoed in his mind even hours later. Hours after he had run out of the house with not much more than his guitar and the clothes on his back, hours after he had come to the studio and found it empty and cold—Reggie had probably opted to spend the night in Alex’s cozy, warm guest bedroom instead—hours since he had curled up under the blankets Reggie had piled onto the little bed up on the loft and cried himself hoarse. </p><p>He knew that he could very easily have gone to Alex’s house too, and that his friends would be there and that they’d comfort him, but… but Luke didn’t really want to talk about his mom right now. </p><p>He didn’t really want to talk at all.</p><p>Because… Well… See, the thing was that Luke loved his parents to death. </p><p>They were good, kind people and he knew that they had his best interests at heart, really. The only problem was that their idea of his best interests and his own were <em> wildly </em>different. </p><p>The things Luke wanted out of life and the things his parents wanted for him were so different that Luke didn’t know how they’d ever be able to find a middle ground. He hadn’t thought they <em> would </em> be able to find a middle ground—the arguments had only gotten more frequent and decidedly worse since he’d graduated high school, since he had made it abundantly clear he was <em> not </em> going to college any time soon—and he certainly didn’t think they could at all anymore. </p><p>In the past three weeks, he’d already spent more nights at the studio or with Alex than at home, and it was <em> another </em> thing for his mother to be pissed off about, but he wouldn’t give it up for the world. </p><p>Spending time with Reggie and Alex—and Bobby, when he was around outside of band practice—was Luke’s favorite thing to do. He was privately a little relieved that they still had Alex’s house to retreat to as well, because while he knew his mom was fine with Alex and Reggie coming over—especially Reggie—it was <em>always</em> just a little tense. </p><p>Alex’s parents had been spending a lot of time being away from their home and their son, after having decided, in an unexpectedly merciful mood, to let said son continue living in their house despite his so-called less desirable proclivities. Luke hated how their absence and utter lack of acceptance was  hurting Alex, but he had to admit he did like knowing he—and Reggie—had somewhere to go that wasn’t their studio. </p><p>The studio, while adequate enough for Reggie—and, on occasion, Alex or Luke—definitely wouldn’t provide comfortable living for all three of them. </p><p>Bobby, on occasion, had said that it was cool if they stayed over at his place too, but considering Bobby’s parents were barely cool with Bobby deciding to take a year off before he applied to college, and every single one of them knew that they kind of blamed the other boys for convincing Bobby to join the band, none of them had really taken him up on it. </p><p>He <em> did </em> join them for movie nights at Alex’s though, so Luke figured he probably didn’t feel too left out, at least. </p><p>Luke vaguely wondered if Bobby was at Alex’s too, if they were all there, if they missed him, if they were wondering why they hadn’t heard from him at all since their gig two days ago. He buried his nose in the pillow and inhaled shakily, squeezing his eyes shut. </p><p>The pillows and blankets smelled a little like Reggie, actually, an intrinsic blend of vanilla and leather and something spicy that Luke couldn’t name, and it was oddly soothing. He wished, suddenly, abruptly, that his friend was here too, that Reggie would hold him again like he had every other time Luke had spent the night with him in the studio. </p><p>He wished that he could press into Reggie’s arms and breathe him in; that he could clutch at his best friend until he felt better about—about <em> everything, </em> because nothing did that like Reggie’s dumb jokes and tight hugs, and—</p><p>Oh. </p><p>
  <em> Oh.  </em>
</p><p>Well. </p><p>Luke was, historically, not great at recognizing his own emotions. </p><p>He hadn’t realized what the warm, tingly feeling in the pit of his stomach when he looked at Alex had meant until, after their very first performance, Alex had taken his hand, dragged him off the stage and kissed him right on the lips. </p><p>He hadn’t realized that what he felt for Alex wasn’t actually romantic love until nearly a year later, when he’d looked at Alex and realized that, if he didn’t account for the kissing and the making out, what he felt for Alex was <em> exactly </em> the same as what he felt for <strike>Reggie </strike> Bobby, and he… well, he knew that that didn’t make sense, because you were supposed to feel <em> more </em> for a boyfriend. </p><p>He didn’t realize that the uncomfortable way his stomach tightened when people dismissed Reggie as the dumb one, the way his eyes burned and the way he wanted to <em> scream </em> at whoever did it, meant that he was sad and angry all at once. He didn’t recognize the absolute <em> rage </em> that bubbled up in him, that made him curl his fists and feel the urge to smash something, whenever someone called Alex names.</p><p>He could therefore be excused, he thought a little wildly, for not realizing sooner what the fond, warm, mildly tingly feeling he felt whenever he was with Reggie meant. He rolled onto his back, staring up at the wooden ceiling blankly as he tried, desperately, to pinpoint when his feelings for his best friend had gone from best friend to… to… well, to whatever they were now. </p><p>He and Reggie had always been really close, and he’d always been one of Luke’s favorite people in the whole world, so it was <em> hard </em> to figure out when that had become… <em> more </em>. </p><p>The only frame of reference Luke had for any of this was what he’d had with Alex, because while he certainly had dated around, he’d never really been <em>in</em> <em>love</em> with any of them, and this felt so different than what he had felt for Alex that he didn’t <em>know</em> what to call his feelings for Reggie now. </p><p>Was this… was this what being in love with someone felt like? </p><p>He thought about Reggie and his silly, playful grin and the way his eyes twinkled when he nailed a riff on his bass on the first try, the way he hugged Luke back twice as tight whenever Luke needed him to and his stomach abruptly tightened and his palms felt clammy and he could feel his heart beating high in his throat and he’d never really understood the phrase ‘butterflies in his stomach’ before, but <em> holy hell </em>, he did now. </p><p>“Shit,” he whispered, still staring up at the ceiling. “<em> Shit </em>.” </p><p>He needed to… he needed to figure out what to do with this. What if he just...what if he just had a crush, something temporary that he’d get over easily enough? It wasn’t worth risking their friendship or the band for if he’d get over it in a few weeks’ time. </p><p>He needed… he needed more information. </p><p>He’d… he’d talk to Alex. </p><p>Alex always knew what to do. </p><p>Luke exhaled shakily and shut his eyes. He would find Alex tomorrow and ask him about… about what it felt like to be in love with someone, about how he’d been sure, about… about how he could be sure it wouldn’t ruin their friendship. </p><p>He’d ask Alex for advice, and Alex would know what to do. </p><p>--------------</p><p>
  <b>DECEMBER 1994 (CHRISTMAS EVE) </b>
</p><p>Okay, so Luke maybe <em> hadn’t </em> talked to Alex about his feelings yet, but that was only because things had been <em> incredibly </em> hectic for the past few weeks. He’d been woken up the morning after he ran away from home by his friends, who had piled rowdily into their studio, armed with donuts and coffee and all the comforting words and warm hugs Luke could ask for, and things had been fine, for a couple of days, before Alex had come into the studio, pale and wide-eyed and had shown them a poster that read “Missing Person: Luke Patterson”. </p><p>Luke had wanted to burst into indignant <em> rage </em> at the thought, because he was <em> legally </em> an adult, what the hell were his parents <em> thinking </em>, but Alex had talked him down. </p><p>He’d reluctantly consented to let Alex—and later, when Alex returned, unsuccessful, Reggie—talk to his parents, to tell them he was safe and healthy, but that he was <em> not </em> coming back and that he wasn’t willing to talk to them just yet. </p><p>Luke wasn’t sure why his parents hadn’t taken Alex’s word for it—generally, Alex did better with adults than Reggie, who was <em> fantastic </em> at blurting out random things and stuffing his own foot in his mouth—but Reggie had, after a very long afternoon, returned to the studio and announced that Luke’s parents weren’t happy, but had at least consented to take down the posters, as long as Reggie or Alex checked in with them regularly to let them know Luke was doing okay. </p><p>Luke had taken it as a win. </p><p>Right after that, they’d gotten a series of gigs at various nightclubs and bars in addition to their regular gig at <em> Teaszer’s </em> , and they were <em> finally </em> beginning to build a loyal fanbase. It was <em> exhilarating </em> to be on stage and to hear the crowd <em> sing back </em> their songs, to hear them shouting their names, their <em> band’s name </em>, to realize that people knew who they were. </p><p>They were <em> going places </em>, and it’d been exciting enough to drive his feelings for Reggie to the back of his mind for a while, where he could comfortably ignore them as they went about their business. </p><p>Ignoring it, though, he mused idly, didn’t seem to be on the agenda for much longer. </p><p>Today had been Alex’s idea. </p><p>Bobby was spending Christmas Eve with his parents, because he was part of a well-adjusted, normal family, which left Alex, Reggie and Luke to their own devices. Reggie had been mopy for days before Alex had figured out that he probably just missed Maggie—they’d always been close and this was the first time Reggie wouldn’t be around for Christmas. </p><p>Alex’s solution had been simple: Reggie’s parents were out <em> all the time </em>, even on holidays, and it shouldn’t be very hard to sneak into the house so Reggie could spend some time with Maggie. </p><p>In reality, it left Luke and Alex standing at the end of the driveway while Reggie was inside, hands pushed deep into their pockets as they kept an eye out for either of Reggie’s parents coming home. They’d both hugged Maggie briefly when they snuck in, ruffling her hair and promising to see her again soon before they’d given Reggie some privacy to sit and talk with his little sister. </p><p>They talked quietly about the band for a while, a few new songs Luke had written and wanted to add to their regular setlist at <em> Teaszer’s </em>, before they fell into a comfortable silence. </p><p>Luke chewed on his lower lip nervously as he glanced back at the house a couple of times, trying to figure out how to bring up his <em> feelings </em> to Alex without actually having to reveal who they were about. Alex was stupidly observant though, and Luke was a little afraid that he’d see right through him. </p><p>“What’s bothering you?” Alex said then, snapping Luke abruptly from his thoughts. </p><p>“Wha—<em> nothing </em>,” he squeaked. “Nothing at all.” </p><p>Alex gave him a flat, unimpressed look, and Luke sighed, hanging his head. “Fine,” he groaned. “Fine. I just…” He drew his lip between his teeth and eyed Alex contemplatively from beneath his eyelashes. “How did you know you were in love with me?”</p><p>Alex blinked, obviously taken aback by the question, and Luke almost felt bad for asking, but… well, he really <em> was </em> desperate for an answer. </p><p>“Uh,” Alex said slowly. “I… I don’t know.” He shrugged helplessly, and Luke chewed on his lower lip nervously. “I guess I just wanted to spend time with you all the time. And,” he shook his head, “I had butterflies in my stomach when I looked at you, and when we kissed I—” He broke off and looked away. </p><p>“Sorry,” Luke said quietly. “I didn’t mean to—” </p><p>“No, it’s—it’s fine,” Alex cut him off, waving a hand dismissively. “I just haven’t really thought about all of this since we broke up, so…” </p><p>Luke scuffed his toe against the pavement awkwardly. “Yeah,” he nodded. “Yeah, that’s fair.” </p><p>Alex just looked at him for a minute, brow furrowed, before he asked, “Why ask me about any of that now, Luke?” When Luke dared look up at him, Alex had wandered a little closer, hands pushed deep into his pockets, eyes wide and sincere, and Luke felt himself cave before he’d even opened his mouth. </p><p>“I guess I was just…” Luke shrugged. “I realized I haven’t been in love before, and I—I don’t know how I’d even know if I was.” He didn’t really realize what he’d said until Alex’s expression contorted into something resembling hurt before he managed to hide it, and Luke felt <em> terrible </em> immediately <em> . </em>“Alex,” he said urgently, grabbing for his best friend’s arm. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean I didn’t—” </p><p>“Relax,” Alex said tightly, offering Luke a semi-sincere smile. “Between you breaking up with me right before I actually vocally said I love you and you sticking your tongue down someone else’s throat three days later, I kind of noticed you didn’t feel the same way I did, Luke.” </p><p>Luke kind of felt like he’d been slapped in the face, and he must’ve looked like it too, because Alex heaved another sigh and added, “It’s fine, Luke. It’s been a long time. I’m over it.” </p><p>Luke bit his lip. “Still, I’m—I’m sorry. I don’t know if I ever said that, actually. I should’ve. I did love you.” he stepped closer and curled his fingers around Alex’s wrist. “I <em> do </em> love you, but I couldn’t—I couldn’t be who and what you wanted me to be, and I… I didn’t want to lose you, so I—” </p><p>Alex cut him off with a hand over his mouth, rolling his eyes a little at Luke. “Look, much as this <em> isn’t </em> the place to have this conversation,” they both glanced down the driveway, towards the house, before Alex continued, “I <em> know </em> you’re sorry. I knew you were sorry three years ago, when you actually dumped me. But I loved you, and I knew you didn’t love me the same way, and I wanted you in my life, so I adjusted. I’m over you, Luke. I really am.” </p><p>He dropped his hand and Luke swallowed thickly. “I shouldn’t have asked you though,” he admitted. “I didn’t—I wasn’t thinking, really.” He looked pleadingly at Alex and whispered, “Please don’t be mad at me.” </p><p>Alex rolled his eyes, but smiled anyway, and Luke felt like a heavy weight had been lifted from his shoulders. “I’m not mad,” he shook his head. “Maybe three years ago, but not now. Not anymore.” </p><p>Luke exhaled in relief and looped an arm around Alex’s shoulder, tugging him in for a hug. </p><p>Alex hugged him back begrudgingly. “Now,” he said when Luke released him, “Who is this person that has you all tied up in knots? Do I know them?”</p><p>“Uh,” Luke choked. “<em> No </em>. No, absolutely not. I’m not in love with anyone, it’s just—I didn’t—” </p><p>“Uh-huh,” Alex said sceptically. “Okay. Sure.” </p><p>Luke opened his mouth to say something—anything—to make Alex stop looking at him like that, but then Reggie came bounding out the front door, his eyes a little reddened and his cheeks slightly shiny with drying tear tracks, but a massive grin on his lips. “Thank you guys so much,” he exclaimed, reeling them in for a messy group hug as soon as they were within reach. “You’re the best.” </p><p>Luke’s cheeks heated at the contact almost instantly, and he barely managed to school his expression into something resembling a normal smile before Reggie leaned back. </p><p>“No problem, Reg,” Alex said, smiling down at Reggie fondly, and Luke took their moment of distraction to compose himself a little, because <em> holy hell </em> was he a mess. He hadn’t actually expected his conversation with Alex to go in the direction that it did, and it’d rattled him more than he thought it would, and then Reggie had been right there up in his face, his body pressed tight against Luke’s and—</p><p>And it wasn’t like they hadn’t hugged at all since Luke had realized how he felt, but it <em> was </em> the first time that Reggie had hugged him while Luke was actively thinking about how he felt. </p><p>He needed a second, okay? </p><p>“Yeah,” he said just a tad too loudly, patting his hand on Reggie’s shoulder. “We’re happy to do this any time. You deserve to see Maggie as often as you’d like.” Reggie’s smile could’ve lit up the entire neighborhood and it momentarily took Luke’s breath away and <em> shit </em> , he was <em> so far gone </em> for Reggie that it wasn’t even funny anymore. </p><p>“Thank you,” Reggie exclaimed again, bouncing back over to Luke to sling his arms around him, hugging him close, and the blush that Luke had just about willed away rushed back in full force. He hugged back automatically, but his eyes flashed towards Alex, panicked. </p><p>Alex was staring at him, eyes wide and lips slightly parted and—shit. </p><p>Now Alex knew how Luke felt too. </p><p>Maybe he really was obvious about it. </p><p>He needed to get a handle on himself. </p><p>He <em> could </em>. </p><p>He was <em> going to </em>. </p><p>--------------</p><p>
  <b>FEBRUARY 1995 </b>
</p><p>“So,” Alex said after Bobby dragged Reggie off to get pizza for all of them, leaving Luke in a distressingly empty garage with the one person he was trying to avoid. </p><p>Luke set down his guitar, deliberately avoiding looking at Alex, because he knew his own strengths and weaknesses and he knew that he’d probably cave as soon as he met Alex’s eye, and he didn’t think he was ready for everything that would mean. </p><p>“So,” Luke said too, because… well, staying quiet would’ve been more awkward. </p><p>Alex heaved a sigh, and Luke winced a little. It really was a bit of a miracle that he’d managed to avoid talking to Alex about this for as long as he had, but for a while, Alex had avoided him too, and then Alex had seemingly gotten in an argument with Reggie, and it’d been pretty easy to avoid him then too.</p><p>Luke had been terrified for a while that Alex had given him away, that he’d told Reggie about his suspicions, but Reggie hadn’t given any indication of being angry or weirded out with Luke at all. All he’d done was look at Alex with an unbearably sad expression a couple of times and spend more nights in the garage than in Alex’s guest room. </p><p>When Luke had asked, Reggie had just said they’d fallen out over something stupid and they’d fix it soon enough, and Luke had to admit that he’d been right. It’d only taken a few days of Reggie looking distinctly like a kicked puppy before Alex caved and Reggie spent the night there—presumably so they could talk privately, which Luke <em> hated </em>because they were his best friends and he hated being excluded, but understood too, because there were some things he’d only ever talked about with Alex, and some he’d only ever talked about with Reggie. </p><p>It stood to reason that was true for them too. </p><p>“Are you ready to talk to me?” Alex said, and Luke didn’t even need to turn around to know his arms would be crossed over his chest and he’d be frowning at him. </p><p>Luke sighed. </p><p>“Yeah,” he finally said, taking a second to steel himself before he turned to Alex—his best friend—his first and only boyfriend—his <em> ex- </em>boyfriend. “Yeah, I guess.” </p><p>Alex offered him a small, tentative smile and Luke smiled back instinctively. “You don’t have to,” Alex offered, and Luke was <em> so tempted </em> to take the out, but… but this had been eating away at him since he’d realized and he <em> did </em> want to talk to someone—to <em> Alex </em>. </p><p>“No, I do,” Luke nodded, wringing his hands together. “I do, I want to.” He looked up at Alex’s concerned, bright blue eyes and repeated, “I <em> want </em> to talk to you.” </p><p>Alex moved forward and Luke let him guide them both back until the back of his knees hit the couch and he sank down into the seat. Alex sank down next to him and Luke leaned into him automatically. It <em> was </em> comforting to have Alex right there next to him, to have his familiar warmth and weight pressed against Luke’s side. </p><p>“I think I’m in love with Reggie,” he admitted quietly. </p><p>Alex exhaled a long, slow breath. “Yeah,” he said hoarsely. “Yeah, that’s what I figured.” </p><p>Luke chanced a look at Alex and bit his lip anxiously at the sight of his friend’s unreadable expression. “Is—I know that it’s—I mean, would it—would it be too weird if I—?” </p><p>Alex shook his head jerkily, and Luke didn’t know what to make of his expression, didn’t know <em> why </em> Alex was so shocked by Luke’s actual admission. “Nah. Nah, it’s fine. I just want you to be happy, you know? If that’s Reggie, then I’d say go for it.” Alex choked, and Luke wanted to believe him, but—but he’d known Alex long enough to know there was something he wasn’t saying. </p><p>“I don’t believe you,” Luke whispered, and Alex looked at him with wide, startled eyes. “You’re not telling me something,” he added, eyeing his friend closely. </p><p>Alex looked back at him with big, blue eyes filled with confusion and just the tiniest hint of apprehension, and Luke said, slowly, “Alex, if it’s too weird, if… if you’re not—I’ll get over it.” He meant it too—he had hurt Alex enough when he’d insisted they break up, insisted they were better off as friends, that it wasn’t worth risking the band for… </p><p>He didn’t want to do it again. </p><p>Luke could get over Reggie—probably. Maybe. </p><p>For Alex’s sake though, he <em> would </em> try his hardest to get over it, if he needed to.</p><p>“No,” Alex shook his head. “No, it’s—I…” He heaved a sigh and ran his hands through his hair. “Look, it took Reggie <em> ages </em> to recover from what happened with Ella, and I… I had to be there every step of the way, and I—I know you were too, but—I guess I just—” </p><p>“You’re worried I’m gonna break his heart too,” Luke finished for him. </p><p>“No,” Alex denied immediately, and Luke shot him a <em> look </em>. Alex groaned and amended, “Yes. I don’t know. I just worry about him, you know?” </p><p>Luke nodded. </p><p><em> That, </em> he understood all too well. </p><p>Reggie had, out of all of them, always been the most fragile, emotionally. Luke and Alex had had an unspoken agreement since the day they’d met to protect Reggie as much as they were able—including from themselves, and after the way Luke had handled his breakup with Alex, he couldn’t really blame Alex for being wary either. </p><p>“He’s my best friend too, you know,” he pointed out gently. “And—the <em> last </em> thing I ever want to do is hurt him.” Luke groaned and fell back against the couch pillows. “Plus it’s not like I even know if he feels the same way about me. This could be an entirely pointless discussion.”</p><p>Alex snorted a laugh. “Fair enough. But. I do think you should talk to him.” </p><p>Luke pouted. “What if <em> he </em> breaks <em> my </em> heart?” He wasn’t serious—not really, because he knew that even if Reggie didn’t feel the same way he did, he’d be so incredibly sweet and kind about it that Luke would probably still feel loved—but the thought of Reggie not liking him was still distressing.</p><p>“You’ll be fine,” Alex grinned. “Your ego is big enough to survive the blow.” </p><p>Luke gasped in mock-offense, and Alex laughed, nudging his shoulder against Luke’s. “Don’t sweat it, man. I’m sure you’re gonna be fine. You know Reggie—he wouldn’t lord it over you or be weird about it.” </p><p>“I know,” Luke sighed. “I know. I just—” </p><p>“Yeah,” Alex agreed. “I get it. Shit’s scary, even when you rationally know everything will be fine.”  </p><p>“I can’t believe I haven’t ever really <em> dated </em> someone since you,” Luke said, the realization having come to him in the middle of their conversation. “I don't even know how to be in love with someone.” He rolled his head to the side and glared at Alex. “Do you think Reggie knows how to be in love with someone? Will he mind that I don’t, if he likes me too?”</p><p>“Luke, oh my God,” Alex groaned. “Reggie is literally one of the chillest guys in the world. <em> Nothing </em> bothers him. Even losing his virginity wasn’t that big of a deal to him—you’ll be <em> fine </em>.”</p><p>Luke blinked. “He told you about losing his virginity?” </p><p>Alex heaved yet another sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. “In <em> excruciating </em>detail. And I’m sure he’d have told you if you’d have been around when it happened.” </p><p>Luke winced, and Alex shook his head, squeezing Luke’s knee. “It wasn’t a criticism, Luke.” </p><p>“Yeah, but—”</p><p>“No,” Alex interrupted, pressing both hands to Luke’s face and squishing his cheeks just a little. “Reg has spent <em> a lot </em> of nights at my house in the past few years, okay? His parents were shitty, and you had <em> a lot </em>going on with yours. Of course I know a bunch of things that might not have come up yet between you and him, but—” he shook his head. “You know Reg loves you. You’re his best friend just as much as I am.” He made a funny face, and Luke laughed despite himself. </p><p>Alex grinned brightly, looking very pleased with himself, and said, “Come on. Tell me you understand. And that you’ll talk to him.” </p><p>Luke glowered at him, but he smiled too. </p><p>“I understand,” he parrotted dutifully. “And I’ll talk to him.” </p><p>--------------</p><p>
  <b>APRIL 1995 </b>
</p><p>The energy in the room after their gig was <em> electric </em> , and Luke was <em> thriving </em> on it. </p><p>He’d bounced from person to person enthusiastically as soon as he’d gotten off the stage, chatting animatedly with everyone who stopped him, engaging with their fans—<em> they had fans! </em>—and spinning people around on the dancefloor. Alex and Reggie and Bobby were there too, and Luke occasionally bumped into them, found Bobby flirting hard with a girl with copper hair and a grin so sharp Luke instinctively flinched away from it, found Alex and Reggie nursing sodas at the bar before he managed to drag them both onto the dancefloor with him. </p><p>He lost them almost as soon as they actually got onto the dancefloor. </p><p>Alex was swept away by a handsome young guy Luke vaguely remembered seeing at a few of their other gigs—that he had seen Alex make out with before, pressed up against the wall with his hands shoved into the guy’s back pockets, after their last gig—and Reggie dove headfirst into a throng of enthusiastic girls, spinning them around and laughing ecstatically. </p><p>Luke watched, a bit of a knot in his stomach, as one of the girls threw her arms around Reggie’s neck and danced pressed up close against him. Reggie laughed again, bright and happy and <em> so goddamn beautiful </em> and Luke <em> loved </em> him, so much that he was breathless with it, that he was sure that Reggie <em> had to know </em>, because there was no way Luke was being subtle about it. </p><p>Reggie <em> didn’t </em> know though, because Luke hadn’t said anything, because Luke was <em> scared shitless </em>. </p><p>Luke hadn’t paid much attention to who Reggie did or didn’t date in the past, mostly because he’d been very preoccupied trying to find something that felt even remotely like those first few months with Alex, but now that he <em> was </em>, he couldn’t help but notice that Reggie was as much of a flirt as he himself was—if not more of one. </p><p>In the two months since Luke had actively started paying attention to it, he’d seen Reggie flirt with literally everyone he talked to, ranging from Alex and Bobby and Luke himself to girls and boys at their gigs to even his guitar once, and make out with a grand total of eleven different people—not that Luke was keeping track or anything. </p><p>He jolted forward when Bobby bumped into him, slinging an arm around him and grinning. Luke could smell beer on his breath and winced a little—none of them ever really drank, except Bobby, who was a year older and considered it his right as a prospective rockstar to drink whenever he wanted to. </p><p>“You’re staring,” Bobby shouted in his ear, still barely audible above the steady thump of the bass. </p><p>“No, I’m not,” Luke denied automatically, but his eyes drifted back towards Reggie before he’d even finished speaking, and he didn’t need to <em> hear </em> Bobby to know he was scoffing at him. </p><p>“You really are,” Bobby snorted, tossing an arm around Luke’s shoulder and steering him away from where Reggie was dancing. Luke let himself be led reluctantly, managing a smile when Alex caught his eye, and turned his attention to Bobby. </p><p>“When did you figure it out?” he asked as soon as they’d reached the bar and Bobby managed to procure more beer—Luke took his without comment, figuring that it wouldn’t hurt to have one <em> once </em>. </p><p>Bobby shook his head and took a long gulp from his beer before he admitted, “You’re not exactly subtle about it, man. All you do during rehearsal is stare at him. And then sharing your mic…” He broke off and shook his head again. “I’m not an idiot, I can add up two and two.” </p><p>Luke sighed. “Do you think Reggie knows?” </p><p>Bobby snorted a laugh and shook his head. “Nah. Alex does, though.” </p><p>“Yeah,” Luke shrugged, “I mean I told him, of course <em> Alex </em> knows.” Luke really couldn’t keep anything from Alex—had never been able to—so it really shouldn’t be such a surprise that Alex knew about this too. Exes or not, he and Alex were best friends and they were <em> close </em>—Bobby knew that. </p><p>That was why Luke reeled back in surprise when Bobby sneered, “Oh, <em> of course </em>.” </p><p>“Dude,” he frowned, “What the hell?” </p><p>Bobby rolled his eyes dismissively, shaking his head. “What? You can’t be surprised that I’m a little pissed I’m the last one to know something <em> again </em>.” </p><p>Luke gaped at his friend, unsure about where the hell <em> that </em> came from, when Reggie popped up beside them, leaning heavily against Luke’s back, snatching his beer from his hand without even looking at it and taking a long, deep drink. </p><p>“Oh, yuck,” he wrinkled his nose and frowned at Luke, shoving the bottle back in his hand. “Why are you drinking beer? It’s so gross.” </p><p>Luke wrinkled his nose right back, momentarily distracted from Bobby’s shitty mood, and pointed out, “No one said <em> you </em> had to try drinking it.” Reggie pouted and slung his arms around Luke’s neck, pressing up fully against his back, and Luke did his best not to choke on his own tongue. </p><p>“I’m <em> thirsty </em> ,” Reggie whined. “I’ve been dancing for <em> ages </em> and it’s <em> so hot </em>, and I tried to find Alex because I know he always has water, but I can’t find him, and then I found you!” </p><p>He sounded so damn delighted about it, and Luke’s treacherous heart did a tiny flip in his chest, and he couldn’t quite stop himself from leaning back into Reggie. Bobby rolled his eyes at him, but stayed quiet, and Luke was grateful that whatever had caused Bobby’s shitty mood, it wasn’t so shitty he’d out Luke’s feelings to Reggie.</p><p>“Have either of you seen Alex?” Reggie asked, his breath warm and moist against Luke’s cheek. </p><p>“Last I saw he was dancing,” Luke shrugged, and Bobby turned to survey the dance floor. Luke ordered a soda for Reggie, who cheered quietly when the bartender pressed the bottle into his hand and smacked a wet, impulsive kiss to Luke’s cheek before he pulled away to drink.</p><p>Luke tried very hard to remember how to breathe. </p><p>“Oh,” Bobby exclaimed, pointing towards the other end of the club, “there he is!” He turned back to Luke and Reggie and waggled his eyebrows. “Looks like <em> someone’s </em> getting lucky tonight.” </p><p>Luke raised an eyebrow and turned to look at where Bobby was pointing, Reggie moving with him. </p><p>Alex was leaning against the wall next to the stage, the guy Luke had seen him dancing with earlier—and making out with a week or so ago—standing pressed up against him, one hand tangled in Alex’s hair while they kissed, the other clutching at the back of his shirt so tightly it looked like it was the only thing holding him upright. </p><p>It’d been a while, but Luke <em> had </em> kissed Alex before. </p><p>He remembered feeling a little like his legs were going to give out from under him too. </p><p>“Good for him,” Luke chuckled, turning back to the bar to retrieve his drink. He didn’t think Alex had dated anyone, really, since they’d broken up—Luke couldn’t recall ever seeing him with anyone at parties either—and now Luke had seen him with this guy twice already? </p><p>He was happy to see Alex letting himself be happy. </p><p>“Yeah,” Reggie squeaked, spinning around on his heel, to face Luke again, eyes wide and a little frantic. “<em> So </em> good for him. <em> Totally </em>.” He eyed Luke with an expression that bordered on desperate and said, “I guess we’re both crashing at the studio tonight.” </p><p>Luke frowned a little, because he could tell Reggie was rattled, and he wasn’t sure why Alex making out with someone would inspire that reaction in his other friend. “Hey man, you okay?” he asked Reggie as quietly as he could while still making himself heard over the thump of the music, catching one of Reggie’s flailing hands in his. </p><p>“Of course I am,” Reggie squawked, turning his wide green eyes on Luke. “Why wouldn’t I be?” </p><p>He glanced over his shoulder again and then abruptly said, “I’m gonna—I wanna go home, so I’ll just go pack up my stuff and start walking, yeah? I mean, Bobby’s obviously not ready to go—” he gestured wildly at their other best friend, who had turned to talk to an attractive girl sitting on his other side, and then to Alex, “and who knows when Alex is gonna be ready, so I’ll just put my stuff in his car and then walk back to the studio, it’s not that far, I don’t mind.” </p><p>“I’ll go with you,” Luke blurted before he could think about it, before he could bring up any of the hundred arguments for them to stay here. “I’ll walk back with you. I’m more than ready to go too.” </p><p>Reggie blinked. </p><p>“I’m serious,” he said before Reggie could protest, because going back to the empty studio with Reggie <em> did </em> somehow sound better than staying here. He tapped Bobby on the shoulder and told him they were leaving, ignoring the significant look the other boy gave him before he turned back to Reggie. “Come on,” he said, “Let’s go.” </p><p>Reggie was still looking at him, wide-eyed and bemused, but let Luke guide him back to the stage to collect their guitars and amps, making two trips to bring everything out to Alex’s car—Luke had the spare key, so they thankfully didn’t need to interrupt Alex. Reggie looked back at Luke when they’d locked the car doors again and said, smiling a wobbly smile, “Last chance to go back to dancing with those girls.” </p><p>Luke snorted, slinging an arm around Reggie’s shoulder and tugging him close. “You were the one dancing with a dozen girls at once, pal.” </p><p>Reggie’s cheeks flushed and he ducked his head, but Luke could tell he was smiling. </p><p>And maybe… maybe he wasn’t ready for this to change just yet. </p><p>The intensity of what he felt for Reggie still caught him off guard sometimes, and he wasn’t always sure what to do with it. He didn’t know if he could <em> deal </em> if Reggie didn’t feel the same way, or even if he <em> did </em>—whatever the outcome of Luke telling Reggie how he felt, their friendship and relationship was going to change, and… </p><p>And he didn’t think he was ready for that. </p><p>He glanced towards Reggie, who was still blushing and smiling bashfully, and smiled too. </p><p>He wasn’t ready yet. </p><p>But he would be. </p><p>Soon.</p><p>--------------</p><p>
  <b>11 JULY 1995 </b>
</p><p>Luke settled back into the comfortable couch cushions, feeling more relaxed than he had in a while. </p><p>He still hadn’t spoken directly to his parents, hadn’t been able to set aside his pride, and he hadn’t told Reggie how he felt about him yet, but things were going <em> great </em>for the band and all of them personally—Luke’s own less than stellar love life notwithstanding—and that was enough, for now. </p><p>Bobby had been talking about moving out of his parents’ house, about finding an apartment nearby, and since he’d been saving up as much money as he could for literally the entire time Luke had known him, he didn’t doubt that the other boy could and would probably do it soon. Bobby’s parents had never been shitty or unsupportive towards him, but Luke knew that Bobby’s dad was losing patience with his adult son living in his house for free while trying to make it as a rockstar.</p><p>Still, Bobby managed to secure a job in a local coffee shop, working early morning and a couple of afternoon shifts so his schedule wouldn’t clash with their rehearsals, and Luke was glad to see Bobby excited about something other than girls and music. </p><p>The idea of a place of their own—that wasn’t a garage that had been converted into a music studio—was catching though, and Reggie had floated the idea of maybe saving up a little and then getting a place with the three of them. Luke certainly wasn’t opposed to living with Reggie and Alex—he lived with them <em> now </em> too, for all intents and purposes, in closer quarters than an apartment would put them—but he did wonder how they’d manage it. </p><p>It wasn’t like any of them were entirely broke—not even Luke, who didn’t actually have a job. </p><p>To be fair, his parents were probably funneling some money his way too, because his card hadn’t been declined yet, not even the time that Reggie had tripped over loose wires during rehearsal and had fallen right into Alex, sending them both crashing into the drumset, putting someone’s knee straight through one of the skins. The cost to replace it had been staggeringly high and Luke had covered it because he was the only one who’d had enough money. </p><p>Their gigs <em> were </em> bringing in some money too, and Reggie had managed to collect a relatively steady income by teaching a gaggle of excitable kids even more chaotic than he was to play guitar and piano, and Alex still had access to his allowance and was slowly moving it into his own savings account—one that his parents didn’t have access to—but apartments were <em> expensive </em> and even with the rent split three ways… </p><p>Luke didn’t know how they’d manage until they managed to get a <em> massive </em> gig. </p><p>They were <em> trying </em>. </p><p>People <em> knew </em> who they were, they had actual <em> fans </em> and Luke had dropped off more than two dozen demos at various record labels, talent scouts and agents’ offices, and they <em> were </em> getting somewhere. </p><p>That blossoming success was what brought them all here to begin with. Bobby had demanded they all meet him at the studio a few hours ago, and while they’d all shown up—which was maybe not <em> that </em> impressive, considering two of them <em> lived </em>there—Bobby was still nowhere to be found.</p><p>Reggie was sprawled on his back on the couch, his head resting on Alex’s lap while he talked animatedly about spending the day with Maggie, waving his hands excitedly—narrowly avoiding smacking Alex in the face several times—while their best friend looked down at him with a fond, mildly exasperated expression. Alex had made a face when Reggie had gracelessly sprawled across the couch and his lap, but Luke had caught the indulgent grin the blond had shot their friend too. </p><p>Reggie <em> had </em> been a little more clingy in the past few weeks, and when Luke had commented on it, Bobby had sighed and said softly, kindly, “He’s had Alex—and you, but especially Alex—all to himself for years, and now Alex is seeing this new guy, and we all know Reggie’s got abandonment issues, man.  He’s probably just worried about losing you both when you fall in love with someone else.” </p><p>Of course, then he’d ruined the moment by elbowing Luke in the side and smirking, “Not that that’s going to happen anytime soon, is it?” </p><p>His words <em> had </em> made a lot of sense though, and so Luke had tried to make sure that Reggie knew that whatever happened, they’d <em> always </em> be there—he thought Alex must’ve picked up on Reggie’s anxiety too, because he let Reggie drape himself all over him before and after rehearsals and stayed with him and Luke at the studio more nights than he usually did. </p><p>“And then she told me to tell you that she’s gonna come over after dance class because she still has <em> so much </em> to teach you because it’s been so long,” Reggie’s voice broke Luke from his thoughts, and he looked up to find Alex grinning down at Reggie. </p><p>“It has been a while,” he agreed. “She’ll probably have to teach me everything all over again.”</p><p>“Ah well,” Reggie shrugged, reaching up to pat Alex’s cheek. “At least you’re pretty.” </p><p>Luke snorted a laugh and Alex lobbed the nearest object—a pillow from the couch—in Luke’s direction before poking Reggie in the side in retaliation. Luke caught the pillow just as Reggie squeaked and rolled off the couch to escape Alex’s poking fingers, grinning unrepentantly at his friend, and tucked it between his back and the back of his chair. </p><p>Reggie pouted at Luke from where he now lay, sprawled on the floor. “See how mean he is to me?” </p><p>Alex rolled his eyes and Luke laughed as Reggie heaved himself back up the couch, eyeing Alex suspiciously before he tipped sideways again, swinging his legs up over Alex’s lap this time. “Maggie gave me her bracelet too,” Reggie told them, holding up his arm so they could both see the string of brightly colored beads and charms that they’d made for Maggie on her last birthday wrapped around his wrist. </p><p>Reggie grinned and said, “She said it’d bring us luck. I figured we could use all the luck we could get.” </p><p>“Yeah,” Alex agreed, patting Reggie’s ankle. “Hey, speaking of which, do either of you know why Bobby had me call in my favor with Micheal Levin?”</p><p>Luke sat up abruptly. “You called in your favor with Levin?” he demanded, staring at Alex. “He had me call Dave Harris for him.” </p><p>Reggie frowned and looked between him and Alex in confusion before admitting, “He had me make three more copies of the demo and order a bunch more t-shirts.” He glanced between Luke and Alex and asked, “What the hell is he up to?” </p><p>“I guess we’ll hear soon enough,” Alex said, ever the peacemaker. </p><p>Luke huffed in annoyance, but conceded the point and leaned back as Alex and Reggie fell silent too. </p><p>Luke stared up at the ceiling quietly and mused on whether it was time to order pizza yet. It had to be nearly six, and he was hungry, and waiting for Bobby to show up and explain himself was slowly driving him insane.</p><p>He was supposed to be here two hours ago.</p><p>“We’re doing the right thing,” he asked quietly, giving voice to the fear that had been plaguing him ever since he had run out of his parents’ house. “Right? We’re going to make it.”</p><p>“Of course we are,” Reggie told him, equally quietly, rolling his head to the side to smile softly when Luke turned his head to look back at him. “We’re gonna be <em> so </em>good, and everyone will see that we were always right, that we were always gonna be great.”</p><p>“I’ve never wanted anything else this much in my life,” Luke admitted. “What if we don’t—”</p><p>“We will.” Alex was quiet for a beat. “And if not, we’ll figure something out.”</p><p>The garage door swung open, shattering the quiet, intimate moment, and Bobby came running in, skidding to a halt right in front of the couch, panting slightly. “Guys,” he wheezed, waving a crumpled paper he had clutched in his fist. “Guys—it worked. We did it—we’re <em> in </em>.”</p><p>Luke sat up slowly, staring at Bobby in confusion. </p><p>“Bobby,” Reggie said slowly as he sat up too. “What are you—” </p><p>“The Orpheum,” Bobby huffed, waving the papers again. “Guys. I got us a showcase at <em> The Orpheum. </em> We’re playing the <em> motherfucking Orpheum </em>!” </p><p>------</p><p>
  <b>22 JULY 1995 </b>
</p><p>Well. </p><p>Dying really fucking sucked.</p><p>
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